Airport Annoyances II : The Sequel

Airports. They’ve got no better. Back in the day, when I was boarding a plane twice a week, I had a good moan. I didn’t like the “sheep dip” experience, the overly made up and perfumed ladies that saw hobbity little me, thinking I was an easy touch for a new credit card. That all ended when I grew the mane, funnily enough. Perception is a funny thing.

I also complained about the way, that like in any captive audience situation, like a service station, or a cinema, or once again, a sheep dip, you’re getting fleeced.

That’s old hat. Taken in. Yesterday’s news.

There are new annoyances.

Tonight, at Belfast International Airport, I witnessed an easyJet jobsworth make a lady put her neglible handbag in her other bag. The wisened scouser behind her said “what’s the difference?”. What, indeed? You can’t have two bags. Them’s the rules.

Charitably, you might think that the easyJet official was doing the traveller a favour. There could be some bastard steward bristling for conflict at the top of the stairs, ready to eject any surplus sack suspect at top speed down the metal steps, indifferent to the pain or death it may cause. Spoiler warning ; the crew were all lovely scouse ladies that treated us well.

I reckon some of them just lurve the power. The power to get a woman to put a bag in another bag. And I don’t want to judge a book by its cover but the female staff member in question looked like Barry Manilow’s Belfast lovechild that looked like she had started her day by diving into a bag of Max Factor. I am 76% sure that spite was a driver, and that number can’t be argued with.

A Facebook appeal revealed that this is not an uncommon thing. A friend of mine had to put her laptop bag in her roller bag for security, but the airline themselves did not give a crap.

And yet, if you buy a load of shit airside and have it in a clear plastic bag, that’s okay, even if it’s a half hundred weight of brown M&M’s and three bottles of Jamesons.

Raaaargh!

This is just one specific annoyance. I’m sure there are more. Have at it, fellow travellers.

  • Airports are great.
  • Airports are the means by which the state says “I’m the man, Johnny Foreigner. Step out of line and you’re toast!”
  • Southampton Airport is merely the first step in conquering Eastleigh
  • Airports are pants.
  • Airports that charge you for wifi deserve a new level of hell

0 voters


Yeah yeah, lots of annoyances etc etc. but it’s inevitable you’re going to find annoyances in anywhere as artificial as an airport. You’ve got to look at the bigger picture. Airports are somewhere you go to get somewhere. To be in a place where everyone is feeling the buzz of anticipation for where they’re going…going into an airport makes me smile. Your trip starts to get serious in an airport.

I’m ok with big airports, but I particularly like the small, modern, hassle free ones. Like London City, Southend, Southampton.

No prizes for guessing how I voted.

Beer at 5 in the morning.

That is all.

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Some are better than others on the old beer front, GB. I remember being in Newark, NJ and almost crying because everything closed at 9pm on a Sunday night. Last opportunity for the employees to get home on public transport :frowning:

American airports are a different kettle of fish.

Singapore was nice. Bought Mrs G’s engagement ring there and nearly missed our flight bacause she couldn’t decide.

Did miss a flight out of Schipol once as it’s so huge and we were wrecked.

Also spent two hours looking for Mrs G at Bangkok airport only to realise I was in the wrong place for arrivals. Being a smart arse she just went straight to the hotel I had already checked into and was waiting for me in the buff when I sweatily arrived;)

My favourite airport however has got to be Makemo in French Polynesia. It’s a shed. When we were leaving, our luggage (which consisted mainly of fish that we had caught and frozen) was too heavy. We just slapped a 3 kilo fish on the counter with a smile and continued boarding.

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Its not the airports its the infrastructure to get there.

Roads always full.

Taxi’s costing a fortune over 50 k’s

Bus’s never going to the correct terminal after changing as requested.

Railways never on time or non existant.

I nearly always have to get there three hours early and sit in the Lounge drinking free beer and Vodka until the flight is called a nightmare I tell you a nightmare.

The inconsistencies are what do my head in as well, pap. Not a fan of airports in general, apart from when flying from Southampton is an option. I’d pay double to go from here, simply because it’s so, so much less hassle and involves so, so much less waiting around.

Flew up to Manchester for the last game of the season and it was sublime. Will struggle to go back to using trains for Northern away days after that!

My like / dislike of UK airports is usually based around distance from home.

Southampton is great

bournemouth is alright

heathrow is tolerable

gatwick can fuck off

There does seem to be a trend developing here, largely that the bigger an airport is, the shitter it is. Good shout on Southampton; that place is a piece of piss in and out, usually. They used to do a direct flight from Liverpool, and I always got a little emotional if the plane circled over Southampton Water coming in, especially on a sunny day where everything just glittered.

The two airports I use most, Liverpool and Belfast, are variable. Neither is great at dealing with peaks in demand, so it’s either a piece of piss or a complete pain in the arse. easyJet annoy me more than the airports themselves. I’ve had occasions where the penultimate flight of the just hasn’t shown up. Mysteriously, there has never been a problem getting a spot on the final plane. Always empty, oddly :slight_smile:

A lot of the little things do my head in. Charges to get in and out of the airport. Both Belfast and Liverpool do this. I fucking hate Speedy Boarding; a handful have a genuine need to not be standing around too long, but the majority that buy it are mugs, failing to realise that everyone leaves at the same time.