Bletch v pap (MOR v IRA) Fri 15th June 4pm (ITV)

The big one (well that’ll be me then).

@saintbletch v @pap . This time it’s personal.

This could create a schism in forum-time.

Never before have two such greats of forum lore stood opposite each other having drawn completely shit teams from the purple velvet sweepstake scrotum.

Likely teams, players to watch, predictions and any Saints players to look out for, please.

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You’re going down, papster.

I can’t believe you’ve stooped so low as to gladly accept as your team an oppressive regime that hates our strongest ally the You Ass of Ay.

Traitor.

That’s the word for you.

Oh, and loser.

The Torygraph says that my boys at 500/1 to win the World Cup.

WTF do they know?

Hakim Ziyech, Dutch Footballer of the Year, a mobile, streetwise playmaker who shares some of the qualities of his Ajax predecessor at No. 10, Christian Eriksen* - will run rings around your team whilst they spend their time hiding nuclear research facilities.

And our manager, Herve Renard, French protege of Claude le Roy. He was sacked by Cambridge Utd after 25 games in charge in 2004 and took over in 2016 after stints with Zambia, Angola and Ivory Coast* will lead us to a wonderful victory over your skinny, sanction-starved anti-American funsters.

The best thing about us is that we are a very well-drilled and tough defence - they qualified without conceding a goal and have let in only 11 in 23 matches over two years.*

But the worst thing about us is They’ve been given a horrible draw and their strong back four and patient approach will not mitigate their chronic weaknesses up front.*

You may recognise Nordin Amrabat - slippery if erratic Watford winger and subject of the Vicarage Road ‘Baby Give It Up’ tribute song who was sent to Leganes on loan last season .*

Cameramen will be picking out more sanguine fans than the rabid ultras of the domestic sides, the focus will be on the poor souls who dress as Lions of the Atlas in threadbare Wizard of Oz mufti.*

Fans’ favourite chant will be Allez Allez Maroc for the French speakers.*

On-field prediction WILL beat Iran in the opener but they won’t repeat 1986 and get out of the group. Bollocks to that, we’re going all the way**.

Off-field prediction is that we will be well supported and ready to give Iceland competition for best choreographed clapping routines.

*Bletch may have copied these text wholesale from the Torygraph.

** Bletch may have edited this text from the Torygraph original.

PS @pap , now I’ve got your mobile number - check your fucking texts!

I really don’t know what to make of this Iranian team.

Previous Persian representatives at the World Cup have almost unanimously had moustaches.

There’s barely a mickey amongst this lot.

Modern football is rubbish.

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100,000 fans in a Stadium 4 hours before a game.

Iranian football is the true home of. The Game.

After a Wet Tuesday in Hartlepool

Apparently Nike have refused to supply any kit to the Iranians.

They had better put in that call to Oliver North or it could be sandals and skins.

Bastards. Putting those Chinese children on the dole line like that…

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Iranian terror techo:

Or Moroccan hippy appeasers:

YOU DECIDE!!!

Pap getting all aggresive over the silky skills of Bletch, Bletch definitely having the better of the opening exchanges.

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No other cunt is watching this, are they?

I haven’t got enough screens to watch the football, the golf, and the women’s ODI. Gonna have to make some tough decisions.

Me in you seen ist kaput also inch mousse sheen Aug Deutsche.

Was zone die raven VON welche Lande?

Well that’s what Google translate said when I typed what colours are Iran wearing because of my dodgy German stream

Panic over.

Worked out that Iran are the statues pretending to be male models while Maroc play football

One could suggest that moustaches and beards are very hipster these days, as good Muslims the Iranian team wouldn’t want to subscribe to such a lifestyle choice so would, naturally, shave…

I am. Morocco have started well, apart from Fiverweb’s Golden Child, Ziyech, completely missing his kick when he should have scored.

Splatterface pronounces it Zi-yetch.

Dowie(with a splattered face) goes for Zee-etch.

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@dubai_phil Iran are playing in white…

Pinball in the Iranian 6 yard box…and yet Morocco fail to score

This is useful intel.

I’m liking Morocco so far.

Quality is lacking but this is a much more exciting game than the previous one…