I shall miss this…until the summer window opens.
Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain
Sounds about right.
As the feed dies, DCI Boyo leans back and sighs ‘What the f…’’ his relief is suddenly cut short as the searing heat of an explosion rips through the house, the blast having shattered the darkened glass in the monitoring room. He feels the sting of glass and heat penetrating his skin before losing conciousness. …
Its completely dark and still when he awkes… he can feel the dust thick in the air as he tries to breath normally. the pain is bad but not excruiating. He knows he has broken some ribs, most likely when being hit by one of the fying monitors. He tries to stand and is surprized that he is able to do so without to much strain - he aches and there are cuts all over but he knows he has been lucky, shielded from the main blast and heat by the isolation of the monitoring room - the thick sound-prooofing may have cushioned the blast as well as the noise.
He can see into the lounge through the gaping hole - and its a scene of utter fucking carnage, like someone has sprayed blood and body parts with gay abaondon over every inch of what used to be the lounge, forget body bags, SOCO will need a fucking scoop and a wet vacuum to bag this lot. There is the faint smell of BBQ’d flesh… cooked by the blast no doubt - Jeez fucking wept … this is something else
The emergency lighting kicks in and really makes the scene come alive. Fatso has literally exploded and not through pleasuring himself to death, but torn apart by the blast. He must have been close to the epicentre. His head is impaled on the lava lamp the 70s kitch fucking enhanced by the severed head he thinks.
The sight of Bletch is interesting. Fatso’s Handie appears to have penetrated his left eye, his penis still enclosed by the pleasure glove acting as a rigid poker helping the deeper penetration. Bletch always was a bit of dickhead he thinks before he can help it
Slowy and Soggy appear to have embraced - or to be more melded into one - two halfwits, makes one full wit he thinks - trouble is as he cant see any head they may now have trouble articulating any coherent thought
All he can see of Barry is his shoes and feet - the rest would appear to have disintigrated and may be accounting for the excessive blood splatter - he is not sure if this is as a result of the now obvious explosive devise or the news of Promes not signing
CD seems at first unharmed - still on his hands and knees, still partially covered by the small table cloth, the only difference being that Pap’s whole arm, that has become detached from the rest of his body, has entrered his arsehole, and liquidized his insides - the fingers protruding from his mouth. Given Paps rumoured punsishment, is cant he quite sure whether this killer fisting happened before or after the explosion
The rest of Pap is also gone but he must be dead as their are a pair of slightly stained bollocks hanging from the remains of the ceiling light
Rustyhole and all the other insignificant extras are all mashed in the explosive quagmire…
He begins to shake his head when he hears a familiar voice…
‘‘they all had to die you know’’ - he turns to find Big Bad Brother, AKA BTflipshislid holding a Glock 9mm pointed in his general direction.
‘’ Arsehole first naturally, piss taking twat thinking I aint funny’’ then the rest were just a bunch of nobodies, who just spouted incessant shite ‘’
The DCI has to agree, and he knows that this rather spectacular end will have improved the local gene pool, but murder is murder and he will to take BT down.
‘‘you too of course and your fucking egg chasing ways’’
BANG!
DCI Boyo has closed his eye at the shock… this is it he thinks… some fucking end… but he does not fall. He opens his eys and finds he is very much alive and OK… Before him Bearsy is standing holding what can only be Paps other arm which he has just used to smash BT in the head, the gun going off and the bullet entering Bletchs other eye.
Bearsy is grinning
Oh do fuck off!! What the flying fuck would I be doing with a Glock 9mm? Them’s shit them is.
Desert Eagle or .44 Magnum for me please…
I envisaged something more like this…
I’ll need to ‘to’ before I can ‘fro’.
Fuck its CD!
And do I see Bletch in the background wearing an unpleasantly green blazer?
Me ?
Actually, now I’ve looked in the mirror, it does look like me. I’m a super hero !
You’ve all been had for mugs.
The only mug round Barry is the miserable bloke who cant resist trying to inpect everything with his wind up fake misery - you think we dont get you? hahaha Folks on this thread dont take themselves too seriously -we dont take you seriously at all…
Theres more to life bollocks…
End Credits…
‘The Sotonians Transfer Saga House’
A thread by A Grandee
Dedicated twiththank to the loverble scrotes on Papsweb
Starring:
Rallyboy as DCI Rhal. E. Boyo
Bletch as Himself
SaintCD as the boy CD
Areola Grandee as Arsehole Grandee
Fatso as Fatso the handie man
Bearsy as Himself
Pap as Pap the gonad cleaner
BTrips as Big Bad BT Bob Brother
Sadoldgit as Soggy/Vladimir/Waldorf
Lifeintheslowlane as Slowy/Estragon/Stadler
Rust Cohle as Rusty hole the insignificant extra who almost had aspeaking role
Cobs, SoS, CBSaint PS, Nothalf Krap as the meaningless extras
Fowllyd as DC Flydd
The ChoalaKid as DS Cola Kidd
Bearsy as Himself
Bary Sanchez and the miserable cunt
Gaffer - Goatboy
Chief grip - gavstar
Props - Dubai Phil
Digital effects by The mighty ostrich
Script - er there was no script
Tokyo unit Tokes
Written, Directed and produced by A Grandee for Grandee productions
This has been a Grandee production in association with Papsworld Enterprises Inc 2018.
WILL NOT BE REPEATED
In loving memory of Cracked Rib, Gay abandon and the other one who’se name I cant remember now.
Chutney Ferret my good man, it’s the only one we can mention using the @ thing
One page, one signing with a relegation clause sell on, fucking wank and nothing to see here, codshit as I said, Redmond is stil here and we haven’t replaced the defender we sold, good one SFC you fucking beauts.