Many years ago there was a works party on a boat that left from Ocean Village. some of you may remember them, i think they were called a riverboat shuffle or something, anyway it involved a big group on a boat for the evening getting pissed. I went with some works collleagues and our partners. The booze flowed and there were some party games organised by the boat crew, one of which i was picked out for.
Four fellas (yours truly being one) were picked out and told to sit on seats. Four ladies were then selected and we were partnered up. The girls were told to take down our trousers, fit us with a nappy, sit on our laps and feed us a baby bottle of spirits. The first to finish the bottle, won. Proudly, i finished this task with ease in first place. Unfortunately, i thought i would celebrate and stood up with arms aloft, soaking up the applause, only for the nappy to fall down and the semi i’d got from a random honey squirming about on my lap to be winking through my boxer shorts at the assembled crowd. Oh, well, not to worry.
The real problem started after this bit of fun. More booze was sunk and the girl in my team was found and we were getting on well, much to the chagrin of my GF and her BF. About half an hour before we were due to dock, i was well pissed and went for a jimmy, only to be followed into the khazi by the girl who’d sat on my lap. she made it clear she was up for a bit if we could get rid of our respective partners. Good Idea, i said, although not really in any state to do much, i didn’t need to do any furtive work with my GF as she was so pissed off with me she stormed off when we got back to Port.
What happened after was a bit hazy and i’m not quite sure how it happened, but in essence i tried to bang this girl up against a shop front of some kind down the bottom of town. But being so drunk, i was unable to muster anything like a decent boner (a bit like you gavstar) and tried to thumb in the semi i had, with not a great deal of success. Eventually i did manage to get something going, only to be rudely interupted by the BF shouting at us from a distance as we’d been rumbled. Oh fuck, i thought, time to scarper, but i forgot i had my strides halfway down my legs and tried to run, with the inevitable consequence of going a gutser on the pavement. Add to this a pretty decent kick in the midriff by the BF and there i was, pissed, wounded and semi naked. Not a good end to the evening.