It didn’t involve me directly, but I think it’s a funny tale nonetheless.
About 17 years ago (i remember as Mrs Numpty was pregnant with our eldest) I attended a work reunion drink up in town. The company we all worked for was based in Abingdon, but had relocated and many staff had left, but as a reasonable number lived in Southampton and the main man organising it lived here we had a reunion in town. One of my old colleagues, let’s call him Justin, as that was his name, was due to stay over at mine as he was travelling down from Aylesbury.
Plenty of beers were had and it was good to catch up with the lads. Some went home as the night wore on and there were six of us left in the early hours. The decision was made to go to FYEO, when it was on London Road, so we all paid our tenner and trounced into the titty bar for more beer and an ogle. Spirits were high and Justin caught sight of a couple getting some dances from the ladies on show and was quite taken with the thought of a woman paying another women to strip in front of her. Anyway, we stayed for an hour or so and then said our goodbyes and went off home.
Whilst walking down Wilton Avenue with Justin, he spied the couple he had seen in the club walking iin front of us. He caught up with them and started a conversation. Introductions followed and we were invited back to their place which was just off Wilton Avenue. Now at this point I should describe Justin at this point. He was originally from Barry Island and wasn’t short of confidence, some might say he was gobby. He also hadn’t missed many breakfasts and was the proud owner of a large, 23 stone frame which, that night, had been levered into a purple velvet suit (straight up). Also, he wasn’t blessed with good looks and had the appearance of a pasty Shrek type character. But he was a funny guy and we got on well.
So, we entered the house and our hosts cracked open a bottle of Absinthe. Not having had that before, it was a bit of a shock, but we took to the hopsitality well. Conversation ensued and it turns out the fella was a part time DJ with a superb record and CD collection, which I spent some time looking through. After a while he said “Oh, where are the other two? I think they have gone upstairs?” and left to go up the wooden hill. Knowing my mate was a chancer i thought, oh, oh, I’d better follow on in case there is a ruck, but was pleased to see nothing more than the woman and Justin talking. OK, time for a piss i thought and stumbled into the khazi for a slash. After muddling about in the craphouse, i emerged to walk past the bedroom and was greeted with the sight of the woman we had just met, naked on the bed, with Justin dining eagerly at the Captains Table. The fella was watching, offering encouragement to my mate. Unsure of what i was really seeing, i took a second or two to get this straight. But it was happening and I was beckoned into the room by the fella to join in the fun. Having a pregnant GF at home, i declined his kind offer but was transfixed by what i saw. A fat, ugly, Welshman who made Quasimodo look like Cary Grant, tucking into a strangers muff.
It didn’t stop there. The fella, then drops his strides to reveal what i belive is called a “micropenis” and proceded to play with himself vigorously, while Justin tried to adapt his position for a round of coitus with his new friend, who was voiciferously urging him on. He was now in full swing and had shed some clothes. With the unfortunate sight of his billowing flanks of lard as he attempted intercourse a mere few feet away from my sight, i could hold my laughter in no longer. This was then compounded when the fella with the micropenis siddled up behind Justin and about to try and use my mate a contraceptive. Naturally I fell about the place and had to leave them all to it.
I found him early the next day, sleeping in the porch. He gathered his bag and left swiftly. I have seen him about half a dozen times since and he steadfastly refuses to talk about the situation and whether he earned his receivers wings that night. I’ve no idea about the couple in question, save for walking past them once in town. They may still live there. The fella may even post on this forum. If it’s any of you guys, i’d love to know how the evening ended.