"Gary Lineker's come in his pants"

Football
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It’s the start of a new Premier League season, and everyone is excited. Big Kat is in St Mary’s, counting her money, and hoping any last minute signings fall through. Arsene Wenger is taking selfies by the league table, trying not to think how it will soon change. Lovren’s wife is checking the fixture calender, highlighting Liverpool’s long away trips with a big felt pen.

One thing however unites us all, from the Kingsland Gentry, to the lowliest Bournemouth Chav. We all can’t wait to see Gary Lineker present Match of the Day in his underpants!

I don’t remember when I ever looked forward to something more! It’s like when I was sat in school assembly, and Gavin Henderson, two seats down, wet himself, and then they called his name to collect a spelling prize. It’s like that, but crossed with Christmas!

I hope they don’t fuck it up! Surely they can’t, but in the interests of everyone, here is my suggestions for the producers, to make sure it is the maximum lolathon that it deserves to be:

  1. Put a disclaimer out before the show starts saying something like, “The following programme contains scenes of a sexual nature, and may be upsetting to some viewers.”

b) Make no further reference in the show to why Lineker is in just his Pants. This is crucial. It will be much more funny if it goes unacknowledged, with potential to cause wtf in any bypassing viewer not familiar with the Backstory.

IV) Have we decided on a choice of pant? This is crucial! Lineker will no doubt be pushing for some kind of baggy boxer. This must not be allowed! I can see the appeal of a crusty, piss-stain, comedy Y-Front, but I think it will be best if Lineker wears what I imagine is his normal, everyday pant i.e. some kind of leopard print thong.

  1. Whole show please! None of this first link only, then costume change to suit & tie. I wil be v.angar if that happens!

  2. Surprise Lineker with a new feature which obliges him to Stand Up. Some kind of tactics board thing. Or one of those segments where he has to stand up and turn arse to the camera to interview Mark Hughes.

  3. End the show with a massive, extreme close-up on Lineker’s cock-bulge. Hold it there for at least 3 mins, so I’ve got a chance to finish off.

What are you guise hopes and expectations for this watershed TV moment???

Edit: Changed thread title for Innuendo

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You mean after the watershed TV moment of course Bearsy

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Hmmm…yeah I’d be quite happy with that but if they could dove-tail a moment like this into the show should make it v. memorable for me…

…also if they could include a re-enactment of the time in the World Cup when he shat himself on the pitch…live in hopes. :lou_lol:

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Hasn’t Helen Skelton reset the whole Underwear on TV debate?

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Different pair of pants each link please. I need Linekaar in full range of undies so all fantasies can be climaxed.

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“15) End the show with a massive, extreme close-up on Lineker’s cock-bulge. Hold it there for at least 3 mins, so I’ve got a chance to finish off.”

THREE MINUTES?! You absolute beast.

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When i consider the unquenchable enthusiasm Mrs Numptyboi showed when watching last nights mens double diving event in Rio (utilising the sky remote to it’s fullest advantage) I can only say, Bearsy, that budgie smugglers will be a surefire hit with the ladies. I can only assume they will have “I Luv Ranieri” printed on the front, or some other reference to LCFC.

I don’t know about the fellas, though. I suppose a modest tanga pant would be acceptable.

Personally, i’d rather he call in sick and they get his ex GF to present it in her lingerie.

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Would a mankini be acceptable or a cop-out?

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Surely the pants will have “Dilly-ding” on the back and “Dilly-dong” on the front?

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I’d like to combine his unveiling with some form of jeopardy game - a la a Japanese game show.

The pundits would be Alan Shearer and Danny Murphy and they would be given a list of words that they had to slip into their comments - something like JUG, EARED and TWAT.

If they can get these words into a single, natural sentence during their punditry, then Lineacre would have to fart the theme tune to MOTD with his trollies round his knees, like so:

If they don’t manage to do this, then Lineacre gets to rub his ‘Sophy Ridge’ into to their non-commital, anodyne and boring mouths - comme ca (Lineacre in orange, Hansen is special guest in green).

I also think the studio should be bedecked with enormous images of pant-wearing men that cast a long shadow. Just so Lineacre feels objectified and insecure.

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I would not want to see your browser history. :astonished:

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Yes you would!

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Bletch explaining his inability to attend matches very pictorially.

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Because I’m cursed with an enormous cock?

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Rallyboy said it best

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For your sake I hope it works better than your shoulder, and your feet.

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Originally posted by @saintbletch

Yes you would!

And so would the local constabulary…

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I doubt it. They’ve probably had to devote a room of filing for dear old bletch simply for his tow path walks.

They never quite nail him, though.

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Linekers shreddis & Bletch getting nailed in a room at a Cop Shop

Don’t get those images on the other side.

Thank God

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I may now have now nightmares of Bletch in lycra presenting Match of the Day

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