Anyone ever played ‘would you rather?’ with your friends at the pub? Its a bit of a shit game isn’t it? Because it quickly descends into questions like ‘Would you rather have shit or cum on your top lip for the rest of your life?’ or some such random crap for which there’s no good answer and you can only shrug your shoulders no matter how shocking its supposed to be.
A far more sophisticated and better evolved form of this late-night all-male drinking party staple is ‘How much?’ - that is to say…‘How much would you need to be paid to do X?’
This is a far more flexible game. On the one hand, you can go for typically puerile yet curious questions like ‘How much would it take you to down a bottle of vinegar?’ or ‘How much would it take for you to drink a pint of that old guy’s piss?’ to testing the boundaries of moral philosophy with questions such as ‘How much would it take you to punch a completely innocent person in the face?’ or the spirit of human endurance with ‘How much would it take you to spend a year in solitary confinement?’ or ‘How much would it take for you to get in the ring for a round with Connor McGregor?’
Of course, conditions have to be attached. For the latter question for instance, you might ask ‘do I take permanent damage from which I can’t recover? Or do I endure all the pain for the 5 minutes but then magically heal at the end?’
(In before ‘how much for you to fuck off the forum? weeeey’)
I’ll kick us off; let’s go with the solitary confinement one, why not?
“How much would it take you to spend precisely one calendar year in solitary confinement?”
Conditions:
You’ll be safe at all times and can inform friends and family as to where you’re going prior to beginning your time inside. You’ll spend 23 hours per day in a padded cell with no books, TV or internet, but water and decent meals delivered to you through a slat in the door 3 times per day as well as an excercise bike, treadmill and some free weights. You will have one hour per day to go into a caged sunlit excercise yard where you can take a walk. You will have absolutely no human contact for the year but once the year is up, will be released totally unharmed. There are (beneficial/benign) drugs in your water supply to ensure that you will not suffer any kind of mental breakdown whilst incarcerated.
So, how much would it take for you to do that for a year?
If you don’t get nabbed, you can set yourself up with a little CB cave. If you get nicked, you’ll get most of what Tramps offers, but with more drugs and the fight or flight shower experience.
That’s a good point actually. I guess you could make up a phoney-baloney story about going travelling in South-East Asia which you could probably pull off I guess.
Or to make it easier; we’ll just say that you’re given proof of your year in solitary and a reference from the company which organised the whole thing, for which you’re counted as having been ‘employed’ in a ‘social experiement’ or some such project. You can note on your CV the compensation you recieved in terms of putting an understandable motivation behind it. If certain firms find that off-putting in future jobs then I guess that’s something you’d have to factor in when coming up with your own personal price.
No books, TV or Internet. Hard but manageable. You don’t mention anything else Mr T. How about some paints or a pen and pad(at least be able to write about your experience). Does this mean 23 hours a day with absolutely nothing to do? I think you’d have to be heavily dosed up if that’s the case and then you would have a line of heroin addicts all wanting to get in as you have just described their nirvana.
So you’re probably not going to allow a window either? What’s the star rating of the room?
I’m going to have to say £10m as i don’t believe your dodgy drugs will save anyone from the complete mental torture that would be(discounting the above mentioned heroin addicts and seeing as the only thing to do is lift weights whilst taking drugs, possibly body builders, if you tailored the drugs accordingly).
One last worry. You guarantee an hour of sun? Does that mean the other 23 are spent in a sweat box in the middle east? Where else is there guaranteed sun.
This is more like it, we’ve got some numbers out there!
PS - Bollocks, for $350k you’d be crying your eyes out to have the chance to wuss out after 2 weeks inside and SoS - bollocks, no way you’d turn down the chance to earn a cool £9Mn for a year inside.
