Pap’s scrotal sac has never been so clean. Possibly due the fact no one has taken a dump in 3 days. A combination of diet induced constipation and the fact the toilet is severely compromised. Areoles was the last to use it and his arse must have literally exploded. As if shit were wet shrapnel from a tightly packed bomb, its caked on the walls, floor and ceiling following a spectacular ending to the aforementioned constipation.
He is now without any friends in the house as he refuses to clean it having said ‘I have to deal with enough shit listening to Barry spout Bollocks without adding to it…’
The house mates are getting desperate. Bearsy has already taken to the woods.
Meanwhile, Fatso’s world record beatng continuous masturbation attempt has come to an end. The ferocious activity has had the inevitable impact and he now walks funny and is whimpering. Bletch and CD have offered to apply soothing oils.
Soggy and Slowing are poking sticks at a dead cat they found close the the pool this morning - the only words exchanged so far being ‘what is it?’
Meanwhile Barry has returned to the diary room and recorded ‘’ Carrillon? Trust the stupid cunt Les to sign a player already bust before he plays for us, bet he gets fucking arrested for steeling the Monaco pension fund - stupid cunt’’
It’s pronounced. so -toe - my - anns. An estranged sub spiecies that have devolved lower IQs and brain function than regular Sotonians following excessive use of the Internet forums and masturbation
Recorded before dawn- outside by the pool, Slowy and Soggy are contemplating the meaning of it all (with apologies to Samual Beckett)
Waiting for Transfers ACT 1
Soggy: Let’s go
Slowly: Yes, let’s go
They remain motionless, still clutching the sticks form this morning, but their enthusiam for poking the dead cat has wained
Soggy: We wait. We are bored. (He throws up his hand.) No, don’t protest, we are bored to death, there’s no denying it. Good. A diversion comes along and what do we do? We let it go to waste… In an instant, all will vanish and we’ll be alone once more, in the midst of nothingness!"
Slowy: its a dead cat
Soggy: True, but it could have been more
Pause
Soggy: so much more
Slowy: true
Pause
Slowy : Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! (Pause.) Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it before it is too late!
Soggy: poke it again
Slowy: why
Pause
Soggy: because it might not be there tomorrow
Slowy: would it matter?
Soggy: does anything matter?
Pause
Slowy: I dont know
Pause
Slowy: Why are we here?
Soggy: Why are we here? , that is the question? And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Fatso to come
Everthing is not as it seems…life is just a sneeze in the infection of time…there is no reason to it all…a dead cat or a soaring Raven fallen to earth…spent from the interminable quest for truth.
As you grow older all will become clear…I know the hidden identity of all posters but who they are is of no consequence…they are but Carbon under the fingernails of an infinite universal tortoise.