Nuisance neighbours

So, I live in a very large old house, which is converted into flats. For the last three years or so, we’ve had one noisy cunt living on the top floor, who has made life hell for us at times, with his terrible anti-social behaviour (for some reason the forum software will not left me spell behaviour correctly in the tag alongside the words anti-social).

Loud noises til three or four in the morning is common place, as this miserable wanker thinks he can do whatever the fuck he likes (uses his flat as a fucking metal-workshop) always dropping tools on the floor (my ceiling) and generally just being a constant drunken disturbance to the whole house.

We’ve all made formal complaints to the landlord many times, they write to him warning of his disrespectful un-neighbourly behaviour, he chills for a few weeks, and starts up again. This is the pattern we’ve lived with now for a long time.

A couple of us were on the verge of taking matters into our own hands after his most recent acting up, but made one last desperate request to the landlord to get the cunt out before we ended up killing him, and joy to the world, he’s finally been given an eviction order!!!

We’re planning a big Eviction Party for the day he leaves, and I thought I’d share with you good folks the banner I’m working on that we’ll be displaying on the front of the house on eviction day: (I’ve blocked out his name, so as not to risk potentially spoiling his surprise).

(Obviously for some reason this forum software doesn’t scale images properly, and it looks much better in real size) :lou_facepalm_2: :lou_wink_2:

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Appreciate the hell you have been through. I have had several arsehole neighbours. The students below on Bedford Place who played Black Eyed Peas on repeat when they came home in the early hours and then decided to try out their djing skills. Oh and had a domestic once.

Moved into a nice block of apartments in Highfield, loads of pensioners and apparently some saints players lived there. Unfortunately the 3 flats (above, next door and below) were all noisy buggers. Next door the worst. They came back one morning about 6am and started a party. I ended up yelling abuse at them from the bedroom. Not my finest hour.

So far in our new place we haven’t heard anything from the people above or next door though they have moved in. No one below or behind at present.

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I having generally been lucky regarding neighbours, however in our first house about three month before we moved our neighbour who we liked got a job in Ireland and let his house. The fuck nuggets who moved in almost caused me to commit murder. After two months of no sleep thanks to their music and whilst we were looking to exchange on our house, I was walking down the stairs to find the handrail was vibrating because the music was so loud. I totally lost my shit, grabbed a golf club from the spare bedroom and ran down the stairs. Fortunately the Ayatollah caught hold of me before I could get out the front door and some how managed to calm me down. My reaction really shook me up as I don’t normally lose control like that, but eight weeks of sleep deprivation does wierd stuff to a man.

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Does anyone know of any flats available? I am soon to be homeless due to intolerant bastards downstairs.

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I had a terrible time with some neighbours of mine. They were masons and kept blocking my drive. I literally went mad.

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There is one below Intiniki that’s free

I’ve changed the thread to reflect our limited swears front & centre rule. I honestly don’t know if that’s wise.

Dogs.

Ones that bark all day and night.

That were great fun a few years ago. :slight_frown:

A couple of sturdy blows with a shovel, a bit of digging, and I guess the owner must have moved out of town…

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Dogs.

Ones that bark all day and night.

That were great fun a few years ago

That’s quite poetic …

Almost a Haiku

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We had some people move in next door to us a couple of years ago that seemed ok at first. Then they decided to grow the hedge higher between our houses because they wanted more privacy. Fair enough. But the hedge was over grown in our garden by over 2ft so one day we trimmed in back to the boundary line. They were upset and said they would put up a wooden fence. Hmmm. Ok. It was their fence so fair enough. Trouble is the fence they put up is about 7ft high and you need planning permission for a fence over 2m high which they didnt apply for. We went round to talk about the fence and withing 30 seconds they launched into a big tirade about how we had turned the village against them and about how the villagers were shunning them because if us. When asked for evidence they couldnt provide any but finally, when pushed came up with a name. We asked the lady later if she had shunned them at all and she said no and and that she had spoken to them just the other day. We still dont know where all this rubbish has come from.They have since erected a mass of solar panels in their back garden which are right in our view but out of sight from their house as the garden is an L shape so we have had further bother over that. We have also applied to extend our house and the only objection has come from, you guessed it, our neighbours, even though there is a very large gap between our houses and everyone else in the village, including the people in the house that our house is attached to dont have an issue with our plans. We live in a small village and it isnt easy to avoid them. Apparently they upset their previous neighbours so much that the people put a kareoke machine against their adjouning wall and went on holiday! We moved into the country for a nice peaceful life and the rest of the villages are lovely people but we have to spend time now avoiding the arses next door :lou_sad:

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With situations like this SOG it is always better to rise above it. Turn the other cheek.

If that doesn’t work for you then post shit through their letter box and patrol your garden with a crossbow slung over your shoulder.

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Originally posted by Intiniki

So far in our new place we haven’t heard anything from the people above or next door though they have moved in. No one below or behind at present.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you then, that things stay that way Intiniki. :lou_smiley:

And hopefully when Goatboy moves in, the noisy cunt has learnt his lesson, and changed his loutish drunken ways.

You really don’t want to know what it’s like being underneath that Goat. :lou_facepalm_2:

Originally posted by @CB-Saint

The fuck nuggets who moved in almost caused me to commit murder… eight weeks of sleep deprivation does wierd stuff to a man.

I can certainly relate. I’m a calm, peace-loving dude, and violence is out of character. But when pushed beyond my limits, I can explode with rage like anyone else. I’m already stuffing the house full of sea-bass in case the suddenly compelling need for a quick game of hide-the-cadaver should become necessary.

Originally posted by @pap

I’ve changed the thread to reflect our limited swears front & centre rule. I honestly don’t know if that’s wise.

I noticed the sudden lack of cunts.

What is causing you such wisdom-angst dearest Pap? Changing the thread title, or us displaying the banner outside the house?

Originally posted by @Rallyboy

A couple of sturdy blows with a shovel, a bit of digging, and I guess the owner must have moved out of town…

Ahh, very good Rallyboy. :lou_sunglasses:

Until we got word of the impending eviction, I was begining to consider similar plans.

Originally posted by @Sadoldgit

Apparently they upset their previous neighbours so much that the people put a kareoke machine against their adjouning wall and went on holiday! We moved into the country for a nice peaceful life and the rest of the villages are lovely people but we have to spend time now avoiding the arses next door :lou_sad:

I know how much that sucks. My mum moved out to the sticks for a quiet retirement, and got stuck next to a pair of cunts she has to avoid too.

At least you already know what to get for your next birthday though Sog. When you’ve left it playing and your flight is in the air, ask Trousers to share some of his vast collection of Bill Murray pictures with them.

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Our neighbours are pretty cool these days. We have had to deal with some arseholes in the past though. The absolute worst place we ever lived was just outside of Liverpool in a place called Litherland. It really wasn’t nice. A kid got murdered outside the school my kids were earmarked to attend. The street actually turned up in the national news at one point for being a particularly good example of a particularly shit estate. The thick little fucks wrote “Bay Root” (Beirut) in big letters on the tarmac. I doubt we’ll live anywhere worse.

In the last street we lived in, a cul-de-sac in the inner city, most people were sound but parking was a complete pain in the arse. One of our neighbours got so animated about it that he started grassing people up for illegal parking, trying to get the coppers to enforce a defunct but still extant Traffic Restriction Order. He grassed up mums with young kids, and worse, the cheeky fucker had two cars himself, one that he would drive and another that his son would bimble about in. When one of them left, the other would move his car to prevent anyone else parking there. We almost came to blows once over it, but it culminated in me calling him a “fucking grass” and pathetic. Still hate the cunt now.

I burnt the fuckers to the floor.

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Originally posted by @pap

The thick little fucks wrote “Bay Root” in big letters on the tarmac.

lol

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Worst Neighbour - retired athlete who hated the world and everyone in it and would do anything to fuck up peoples lives, from usual anti-social TV/Music levels to midnight raids vandalising cars that were parked anywhere near his house. The cunt wanted to get rid of a shed at the bottom of his garden. Instead of taking it apart and disposing of the panels piecemeal, he set fire to it and then shit himself when it got out of control and threatened to set alight to his brand new shed he had built just a few feet away. He knocked on his neighbours doors to ask for help, but everyone in the street told him to fuck off.

Best Neighbour - French student girls (x 2) in the flat below who would have monthly sex parties on a Sunday afternoon and one of them was particularly fond of sunbathing naked in the communual garden.

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Originally posted by @Numptyboi

Best Neighbour - French student girls (x 2) in the flat below who would have monthly sex parties on a Sunday afternoon and one of them was particularly fond of sunbathing naked in the communual garden.

Pictures or it never happened. :lou_wink_2:

Originally posted by @lifeintheslowlane

Originally posted by @Numptyboi

Best Neighbour - French student girls (x 2) in the flat below who would have monthly sex parties on a Sunday afternoon and one of them was particularly fond of sunbathing naked in the communual garden.

Pictures or it never happened. :lou_wink_2:

Even though she would let you look, she wouldn’t let you take a picture. I shared a flat with a mate at the time and he tried to take a snap but she got all shirty about it. And it was in 1994, so well before sneaky shots with phones were available.

That reminds me of a neighbours teenage daughter who used to sunbath topless in the garden. My first wife wondered why I was spending so much time in one of the kids bedrooms (it had the best view of the neighbours garden).

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