Academically, my wife is far more intelligent than I am. She also works a lot harder and does a lot more round the house. However, she also has a particular skill for saying something really dumb without actually thinking what she is asking me and I am sure I am not alone here.
Examples in the last couple of weeks.
While watching the new and terrible Jurassic World movie, she turns to me and asks “Is there a real place in the work like this?” I replied “What” and clarified that she didn’t mean the natural history museum or something like that. This didn’t put her off and she pushed on “I donno? Like an island off America run by MGM or something like that”. I told her to think about what she was asking while I went for a pee (crap film hurtling on in the background) but when I came back she pushed on asking if I am taking the piss? She now denies this and says she meant robot style dinosaurs like an universal studios but I know the truth.
She asked an obviously Muslim woman what her plans were for Christmas
When watching Captain Philips, she asked if the Somalis were actors or real pirates. On reflection, seeing how they cast for the film this is not so stupid
Not my wife but guest slot for a girl in the office who asked what currency they used in Scotland. She wanted to know if she had to buy Euros.
Academically, my wife is far more intelligent than I am. She also works a lot harder and does a lot more round the house. However, she also has a particular skill for saying something really dumb without actually thinking what she is asking me and I am sure I am not alone here.
Examples in the last couple of weeks.
While watching the new and terrible Jurassic World movie, she turns to me and asks “Is there a real place in the work like this?” I replied “What” and clarified that she didn’t mean the natural history museum or something like that. This didn’t put her off and she pushed on “I donno? Like an island off America run by MGM or something like that”. I told her to think about what she was asking while I went for a pee (crap film hurtling on in the background) but when I came back she pushed on asking if I am taking the piss? She now denies this and says she meant robot style dinosaurs like an universal studios but I know the truth.
She asked an obviously Muslim woman what her plans were for Christmas
When watching Captain Philips, she asked if the Somalis were actors or real pirates. On reflection, seeing how they cast for the film this is not so stupid
Not my wife but guest slot for a girl in the office who asked what currency they used in Scotland. She wanted to know if she had to buy Euros.
Do you find it endearing, or does it make you love her less?
We have been together for about 10 years Sarb so I guess a bit of both. It depends on if I am drunk or hungover. Drunk is funny, hungover is “FFS woman THINK!”.
She hates it if I tell people any of the dumb stuff she says so will love it if she finds out I have come out of furum retirement just to post about her dumb questions.
Mrs Btrips is always mixing her metaphors just can’t quite remember any just now.
However, one time we were watching one of the Grand Prixs, well I was watching she was gassing, Hakkinen won and was on the podium, the conversation went :-
Mrs BTripz - “Who’s he?”
BTripz - “Mika Hakkinen”
Mrs BTripz - “What nationality is he?”
BTripz - “He’s Finnish”
Mrs BTripz - “I know he has but what nationality is he?”
Driving into Newquay once and you can see the wind turbines on the hill :-
Mrs BTripz - “What are they for?”
BTripz - “Wind turbines”
Mrs BTripz - “What do they do?”
BTripz (thinking fast on his feet) - “Well surfing is such a big industry in Newquay and if there is no wind there are no waves, leading to unhappy surfers, so if that happens they just switch them on to generate wind…”
I’ll start collecting snippets of the silly things my other half says. Although often terribly sensible so may take a while. Now I could list loads from my colleagues.
Ex-Mrs Ex-Trader (if you get my drift), who is a nurse, once asked some poor bastard who’d just had his leg amputated “Can you just hop into bed for me?”
Ok this one will only be understood by those who have watched cricket on TV. I was in a pub with my mate and an England batsman had just scored a century and was taking the crowd applause.
The commentators were praising how he had played and were putting up the usual onscreen analysis of how the runs had been scored, when the mate’s wife arrives. She was keen to get involved so pipes up: “That batsman who has scored 102 runs has a funny name”. “Eh?” we both respond. “Well, I have never heard of Mr Wagonwheel before”.
There’s a chance - a wee one - that I take the mickey a little too often. Consequently my lady wouldn’t believe me for ages when I told her that Portsmouth sits on an island.
To be fair though she’s a sharp cookie and I’m more likely to be the one making a faux pas.
Mrs G is perfect in almost every way (taste in men excepted obviously) but is prone to the odd bout of extreme stupidity.
A few years ago we were having an extension built which involved refitting the kitchen.
We took down a cavity wall, installed the new units and were measured up for granite worktops (look at us ).
The granite would take a few weeks to be delivered and installed so in the mean time the cavity wall (which would eventually be covered by the new breakfast bar) was exposed.
One evening after a few too many, we had a few people back for a few more beers and to chomp down lush kebabs from Marmaris round the corner.
Sloppy eating ensued and at some point a whole load of donner meat disappeared down the cavity.
Knowing that the granite delivery was imminent we decided that we really couldn’t be risking the stench of rotting mystery meat wafting around the lovely new kitchen so decided we would have to play stab the kebab and rescue it.
Ever resourceful, Mrs G gaffer taped a fork to the broom handle and sent me off to get a torch so that she could see what she was doing.
Squinting down the cavity, she had a good moan about my illuminating skills whilst she lined up her homemade trident.
Having located a large slither of meat she jabbed down hard with the broom handle,
twatting herself on the top of the head with the brush part of the broom and nearly knocking herself out.
I laughed so hard I dropped the torch down the cavity and did a small squirt of wee in my pants.
).