The Butler Factor

Sotonians invites applications for the position of temporary butler. The successful applicant will be a real butler, with full responsibility for welcoming our new members between Tuesday 23rd June 2015 and Saturday 27th June 2015.

Duties
Up-to-date knowledge of current number of Sotonians. Quick to react to change. Able to produce at least forty words of, frequently without facts, often with impertinent or inappropriate personal questions. Ability to direct people to suitable accommodation, taking full consideration of present residents, potential conflict and peanut allergies. Binary a plus, but not essential. This is not a moderation position.

Applications
Applications can be made on this thread. We welcome both self-aggrandising statements or if you prefer, a sample welcome for a poster of your choice, real or fictional.

Renumeration
This position will confer a badge and a 20 point prize.

Process
Bletch will conduct the interviews. Comments on applications are welcomed, but attacking rival applicants may harm your chance of success. The successful applicant will be notified of their success on Sunday.

Good luck!

I will do it.

That’s the only offer you’re getting.

If I am the succesful applicant, how many times will I be aloowed to use the phrase “Hello, cunt”

I would also want every day off except Sunday, which I like to reserve for calling people cunts

Would love to help out papster, but unfortunately under UAE Law, now that Ramadan has started we’re only allowed to work 6 hours a day. So by the time you lot wake up it will be time to fire up the Hog Roast.

OK. I’m not begging right? I’m just adding a bit tio my offer/application/negitiations. sick

I will be in charge right? Sort of? So, I say yo to all the refugees. if anyone’s weirder than me, I slap them with my starched napkin. Job done. I don’t think we need to fucking facetime a brainstorming session. References on request.

GB, are you sure you’d be able to commit to more than one liner dry funnies?

Originally posted by @pap

Sotonians invites applications for the position of temporary butler. The successful applicant will be a real butler, with full responsibility for welcoming our new members between Tuesday 23rd June 2015 and Saturday 27th June 2015.

Duties
Up-to-date knowledge of current number of Sotonians. Quick to react to change. Able to produce at least forty words of, frequently without facts, often with impertinent or inappropriate personal questions. Ability to direct people to suitable accommodation, taking full consideration of present residents, potential conflict and peanut allergies. Binary a plus, but not essential. This is not a moderation position.

Applications
Applications can be made on this thread. We welcome both self-aggrandising statements or if you prefer, a sample welcome for a poster of your choice, real or fictional.

Renumeration
This position will confer a badge and a 20 point prize.

Process
Bletch will conduct the interviews. Comments on applications are welcomed, but attacking rival applicants may harm your chance of success. The successful applicant will be notified of their success on Sunday.

Good luck!

Pap, you’ve missed off the ‘look out for and generally be nice to Lou’ part of the duties? I want my money back.

No

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Is it essential to make people feel welcome?

We’ll, er, cross that bridge when we get to it, Ohio!

Now that the old butler has moved upstairs does the new butler get to walk out with Mrs Hughes?

Just asking on behalf of a friend, like.

One couldn’t step so low as to actually carry out menial chores below stairs.

For goodness sake! Just get it sorted, as I have several pairs of shoes that require polishing and teapots don’t clean themselves.

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The successful brownnoser should be given an official title i.e. under bulter i.e. under bletch.

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I would love to put myself forward but I’m more of a Steward than a man-servant.

I would like to nominate Hypo now he has decided if you can’t beat them, join them.

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If Hypo wants the job, he knows where to apply.

(bletch, get the bolt-cutters! :laughing:)

Hypo, would you like the role of working under bletch? Supporting him from behind, bending over backwards on command etc etc.

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There’s also the added benefit that Hypo could write his own ‘welcome to the forum’ speech.

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The idea is to break the ice for new visitors, and to give them a back-story so that instant banter can happen.

And yes, they need to feel welcome which is why, hypothetically, some will be better at this than others.

I will do it in traditional TMS style: Sneer condescendingly, make an offensive pun on their name, and shove everyone in room 69.

2 Likes