The Djuricic Off-Topic Thread

do you bros like clickhole? I like clickhole! Here is a clickhole article:

The Making of Radiohead’s OK Computer

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Why is this gross thread named after my potential favourite player?

Dumb Lou, he’s the new…

Went to a Sunderland cocktail bar last night and ordered a Dick Advocaat. Big mistake. Really hate the taste of Advocaat.

Not bad, Bear.

When he was appointed I was trying to construct a joke around the double entre of his name and the double meaning of swallowing - i.e. ingest and believe/accept.

Closest I got was…

Dik Advocaat? Would you swallow that if you were a Sunderland fan?

Didn’t quite work. We need a Scotty.

https://vine.co/v/eKEiKLhviAO

A FIFA glitch - whatever that is…

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Hi Bletch

Quick latin question.

How do you say six tall pine trees in latin?

Also, how do you feel when you see young school boys pass your house?

1 Answer should fit both.

Cheers

Quo pinus sex arbores?

Nice one, Toke. Umm. Good to have you back?

Nah dumb bletch.

The answer to both questions is…

Sextus pinus erectus

I am going to have it as my new familiy moto.

Dumb Tokes

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

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papster, can we ban word-puns on papsweb?

Leaving aside the ’ comedy’, how’s fatherhood treating you, Toke?

It’s hell bletch, sometimes he crys so loudly I have to turn the TV right up. I am here in the day time, tired out of my mind, trying to run a business while googling funny latin phrases to support papsweb.

I am also trying to get Celtic to win the league on football manager. It’s a full time job.

How’s life as a grandad?

All good, nothing bad thanks son.

I knew you’d be a natural Dad.

Ha. Far more Scottish than that B!

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You’re kidding, right? I was aiming for them to be the glue that held this site together.

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:astonished: Have you been out in the sun too long today, Bletch?

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Not v.funny or anything, but I thought this gives interesting insight into how football contract negotiations are conducted. I was interested in the back and forth, and how bros have to argue one thing, and then the complete opposite. That is a thing i was interested in.

Ayre: Good morning.

Ward: Good morning.

Ayre: Good morning.

Ward: Well, go on then.

Ayre: I beg your pardon?

Ward: You called me in. Lets have it.

Ayre: Oh, I’m so sorry. Whatever did I want to see you about? I can’t recall.

Ward: I represent Raheem.

Ayre: Raheem? Raheem… No, sorry. Drawing a blank. Is he one of the cleaning staff?

Ward: He’s a player. Raheem Sterling.

Ayre: We have so many players now, you know, it’s difficult to keep track. Youth squad is he?

Ward: He’s got more than 100 starts for the first team, and 14 for England.

Ayre: Oh well, we’ve got such injury problems, you know. We play a lot of fringe players lately. And England, well they call up virtually anybody. Wouldn’t surprise me if Jamie Vardy got a call up!

Ward: Whatever. Raheem wants a new contract.

Ayre: Ok ok. Let me have a look. Oh, here we are. Raheem Sterling. Inconsistent performer. Questionable social life. Not highly rated by our coaching staff, I’m afraid.

Ward: Your manager called him the best young player in Europe!

Ayre: Oh, that’s just Brendan. You can’t listen to what he says. It’s mostly just for effect. Listen, how about this, I don’t wish to be unkind, let’s extend the lad’s contract by a few years, give him a chance to turn it around. A small cut in wages, would easily compensate.

Ward: Completely unnacceptable!

Ayre: You’re not serious? You wouldn’t really turn down a contract extension with Liverpool, would you? We won the European Cup in the 80s!

Ward: You’re wasting my time. Raheem Sterling ought to be the best paid player at the club.

Ayre: What, more than Stevie G? You can’t be serious. He’s already getting – let me check - £35k a week! That’s awfully good cheddar, for a fringe player of his age, with inconsistent form and a questionable social life. Be reasonable. How about I slip him an extra £10k. Make it £45k per week. You’re robbing me blind, but I don’t mind. I’ve always liked you. Just remember you owe me one.

Ward: We can get twice that elsewhere. 3 times even.

Ayre: I doubt that, I really do. And as you said yourself, at least here he’s getting starts, who knows what would happen at another club. We rate Raheem very highly. Important player, for us. He might not be so lucky elsewhere, could be a real backwards step.

Ward: You said he’s a fringe player! You said he’s “not highly rated by the coaching staff.”

Ayre: Well no, not now. But we play him all the same, do you see? He’s one of the Liverpool family. You don’t turn your back on your family.

Ward: For £200k per week, you might.

Ayre: £200k! Not a chance. £100k. Best I can do. Take it or leave it.

Ward: I’ll leave it. I’ll go and tell Man City they make a bid. £2m should do it, for a fringe player.

Ayre: £2m! For the best young player in Europe? I don’t think so!

Ward: He’s not that good, honestly. Inconsistent form, you see. Also, you’re right about his social life. Very questionable. I could tell you some stories! Honestly, you’re better off rid of him. I can probably talk them up a bit though. £5m maybe? It’ll be a real effort, but I don’t mind. I’ve always liked you.

Ayre: I wouldn’t sell him for five times that! 10 times even! He’s got 14 England caps!

Ward: Pfft. Anyone can get England caps. Look at Tom Cleverley.

Ayre: You’re making a mistake. The lad Sterling, he’s far better off here. Even Carragher said so.

Ward: Carragher’s a knob.

Ayre: Well, yes. I have to concede that. But still, come on. £150k. Per week. Final offer.

Ward: Get stuffed. I wouldn’t even sign for £800k. I’ll get you a £20m transfer fee though. Final offer.

Ayre: Get stuffed. I wouldn’t even sell for £50m.

Ward: Well, that’s that then. Good morning.

Ayre: Good morning.

Ward: Good morning.

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