Wont be getting a tea towel then?
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A friend once told me that if you get the folds right on the tea towel when wanking you could make it look like Diana was given you head⌠best I got was a BJ from a deformed Charles 
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Perhaps we, the public, should demand a DNA test before the wedding goes ahead. Just think of the money we would save if it was proven that he isnt a Royal!
OMG itâs started, just had an alert pop up from Sky News :-
âHarry and Meghan: First appearance as newly engaged couple - Live on Sky Newsâ
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Yeah but I got in first 
Times like the next few months Iâm so farking glad I only have Netflix & no news channels.
Youâl be getting sighting alerts, bookies odds alerts etc on all your feeds
Hahaha
Oh shit I have BBC news alerts
Fuck how do you turn them off
Bollocks
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Iâm not a big fan of The Markle. Sheâs a terrible actress, for one thing. Not my type either. Small chested. Also, my bird made me watch an ITV documentary about the Harry and Markle fkn âRomanceâ, and it made me want everyone involved fkn DEAD.
I have to admit though when you study her closely she has got a certain quality about her that makes you think sheâd be a really good fuck. More so than Kate even, although I would let her Watch.
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Hahaha. Off to the Tower with you Bearsy, and wash your mouth out with soap and water.
Funnily enough whenever i hear the words Meghan Markle i immediately think of Fred West. Am i the only one?
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I think of a race horse.
I think I may have problems.
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Prince Andrew wanted to marry soft porn starlett Koo Stark. Harry get himself another sulty American actress. Charles ends up with someone who looks like his mother. Being next in line to the throne isnt all it is cracked up to be!
I thought it was all about the bass then realised it was the wrong Meghan.
Then I thought he was marrying the German chancellorâŚI was geting my Merkelâs in a muddle
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Does anyone know if theyâll be honeymooning at BroadlandsâŚit seems to be something of a tradition for the âHouse of Hanoverâ.
If so I shall be there with my good lady and our little Union Jacks.
Canât waitâŚisnât it exciting. 
He seems alright for a Royal, to be honest. Not a massive twat like Andrew or a weed gobbler like his stepdad. She seems to be a half tidy bag of carrots too. It will be amusing to see if some stuffy old bastards get upset with him marrying an âoutsiderâ.
Apparently the Daily Heil website has gone into meltdown. Their readership is less than impressed with a common American divorcee becoming a âRoyalâ. And not a pure aryan to boot. Oh dear!
As soon as she is married she will be known as HRH The Duchess of Sussex. Not in this fucking household she wonât.
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As a consequence of staying at me maâs for the last few months, Iâve watched the news with my granddad almost every night. I was initially quite shocked when at 84, and with a distinctive but softened Karachi accent, he says âsheâs got small titsâ with reference to the weather presenter.
I have since come to know my granddadâs view on the rack of every female weather presenter since. I try to weigh in with my own contributions, such as my theory that all male weather presenters are short arses that took the job to make them look like giants (âIâm bigger than the UK you tall fucks!â), but heâs not long diverted.
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Moaning Merkle⌠was she not in Harry Potter or is this a reference to her joyous vocal exclamations during the fine and noble sculpture of the two backed beast?
I think she is a pleasant looking young lady mind 
Are they married yet? Itâs been hours!
What bad news is Mayhem trying to slip under the radar while a thankful nation rejoices about two massively privileged people getting engaged to be married?