Due to the lack of competition and our recent election victories, I think this is the prime time for us to launch the sotonians political party. I know the doubters are going to be doubting and the haters are going to be hating but if UKIP can get into power, then so can we.
People might think our political views are too varied and we will never be able to decide on stuff but we can’t be any more divided than the Labour party and we have a strong king and queen ready to make tough decisions, not a dirty wizard who keeps quiet on anything controversial.
Obviously, although I am happy to be PM once we win, I cannot be bothered to make our policies. So, over to you. What policies should we introduce into our manifesto?
I am offer One Favour to every bro what votes on us in General Election. In our 5 yr term, you can call on me or tokyos one time, and we will sort you out a Favour. Maybe you want a parking ticket quashed, no problem. Maybe you want ur next door neighbour to be Tax Audit, we can sort that out. Maybe you want Patrick Kielty castrated live on Ant+Dec Sat Night Takeway, would be Our Pleasure
This is why we would have split leadership coalition system. It would be bear or Nick Clegg knocking on your door for that one. - depending on availability.
What, hypotehtically speaking, if all of someones family and friends had their favour as the leader of the party giving a blowie to that someone? That wouldnt be breaking the rules?
It depends on how many Fatso. We want to help but at the same time we have to consider the health of bear and Nick. Jaw injuries can take a while to get over as can eye injuries. Bear had pink eye for a month after the SWF MVP election. A proud 2nd place though.
What I’m saying is, if I have 20 family members and 10 friends (I don’t have 10 friends, I have loads and loads of friends) that is 30 blowies that I’m guaranteed off the leader. And then if I bought favours from the homeless at £10 a pop, I reckon I could get another 50 blowies and be helping the homeless at the same time. Under this new system I’m on for at least 80 blowies. I’d get one every other day - thats 160 days. Thats over 5 months of the party leader having to come to my house and suck my cock.
I think we should definitely pitch for the populist vote. If i should have any input into our manifesto, may i suggest we would pledge to create two new laws.
All MPs, when they are in the chamber for PMQs, have to wear a tracksuit with badges of their sponsors displayed. Think Formula 1 drivers. This would be a great help to the general public, clearing up any misunderstandings and cynicism regarding their elected representative’s proberty and integrity.
All Premiership footballers to be paid, in cash, at the centre circle at half time. With an MC and tannoy.
‘Next up, Paul Pogba’. “Well, you’ve been absolute shite again Paul, but never mind, here’s this weeks 300,000 quid. Big hand ladies and gents!”.
Next up, Wayne Rooney------------
I think i can state with some confidence that the above measures would be wildly popular. The great unwashed would be falling over themselves to join up and get the vote out on our behalf.
Everyone called Brian to be detained indefinitely. Anyone called Brian on this forum to button it, or we’ll nick you first.
We’d lose the Brian demographic. Some of the “Brian’s friends and family” demographic too. Not all of them, mind - some of them probably think Brian is best out of society.
But it’s great policy. It has a simple populist appeal to right leaning floating voters, and possible commercial tie-ins with privately owned deed poll services.
Love the footballer idea but would like to finesse it a little. Every fan is given a proportion of the players wage. The player then has to go round with a bucket and ask each fan to put in the bucket the amount that that fan think the players performance deserves.
