Things I innocently searched for on the Internet, but

…soon regretted.

NSFW

So, Mrs Bletch told me that she had seen a lot of police activity at a corner shop in Twyford Road, Eastleigh. So I decided to search Twitter for Twyford.

In doing so I came across a prolific tweeter named twatty @twyford_david, who seems to fill his waking hours thinking about sucking or actually sucking cocks.

I was prudishly surprised that Twitter allowed that sort of thing to appear in my search results. Not that I am a real prude, it’s just that Mrs Bletch (who was looking over my shoulder as I searched) has now disabused the average penis length myth that I’d been peddling our entire married life.

Originally posted by @Sfcsim

Red bush tea!

I actually drink red bush_ * _.

_ * _ Not a euphemism.

I moved up to Carlisle and put ‘the great outdoors’ for this summer… God no!

My red bush has gone!

The old favourite on the other place ‘nuns’ never do any research on them!

When I was at college I was putting random URLs in, and put in www.fuckmequick.com, and it came up with a kiddie porn site. Immediately emailed the police (Hampshire Constabulary) to let them know. A day later it no longer worked.

True story.

1 Like

I often wonder what plod would think if they were having a quick scan of my internet searches. Quick sample:

fat man in lycra

goat rides train

how to shoot yourself in the head

moroccan flatbread

drowning goat

heavily armed animals

5 Likes

Why oh why did I click on that link…

You’re bi-curious?

2 Likes

In the early days of our family having internet and being able to use search engines my dad decided it would be good to start searching for something that was in the news / charts a lot at the time. Well that’s his story and he’s sticking to it. He searched for Spice Girls.

1 Like

At my old employers of 19 years (should never have left, sob) I was searching for RICS, this being the rather dull, but no doubt highly professional, Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors. Work laptop kept refusing to let me do this and said: “You are searching for inappropriate material and this has been flagged internally. Please desist.” Still no clue to this day WTF that was about.

I just google image searched it and this was the most offennsive picture I could see

1 Like

I heard about fanny craddocks fish and chip recipe so searched for “fanny batter”. That was interesting.

3 Likes

You sick bastards.

Disappointing link Bletch darling.

I’ve never innocently searched for something on the internet, but I can see how it could be a problem for some people, i.e. rape farmers. I don’t completely believe Twyford Dave- I mean, Beltch’s story either.

Reminds me of the broadcaster who said at the end of one of Fanny Craddocks cookery shows, “May all of your doughnuts look just like Fanny’s.”

I just looked up infected gash… That was a mistake!

Sorry about that.

I realised that most of them were flacid only after sharing the link.

But at least I can count to two, Cracked Rib s.