Recorded earlier today...
Its 6.37 in the house the guests are about to woken by Big bad Bob Brother makeing a shocking revelation:
Attention House guests, this is Big Bad Bob. All Guests please come to the main lounge now without fail. There are stirings in the dorm, as Fatso is first to rise (as has been typical throughout his stay), his 'handie' now welded to his right hand. Despite the cessation of his self pleasuring, the device is now impossible to remove. the guests have stopped stting close to him during meals given he seems not to have cleaned it properly,,,
Slowly the guests convene in the lounge, Bletch is wearing his favorite smoking jacket, an odd choice for such an hour, but he has decided that Hugh Hefner (when alive) would be a good role model. CD is still only wearing his small apron, he shuffels sheepishly along the couch to get a little closer to Bletch - the pair now having exchanged more than phone numbers
Several new hairy arsed blokes like extras in a shitty film shuffle in, but are ignored and they say nothing (SoS, Goat, Cobs, UnPC PS, CB etc), so moving swiftly on... Pap stumbles in naked having no clean clothes, having soiled them all and without time to was them, but he is comfortable in his nakedness. He sits next to CD but covers up 'Little Jeremy' casually to hide the slight rash that has been forming since Bletch offered to shave him to help make the cleansing more efficient
Rusty hole, another previously unused charcater, had been in the kitchen trying to boil an egg. Unsuccessfully.
Shuffling slowly, Waldorf and Stadler (Soggy and Slowy) arrive together '' why are we here?'' ''why?'' ''why what'' , lets wait'', ''wait for what?'' ''to see''... and so it goes on
Someone mubles ''for fuck sake'' as they continue their nilhilstic exchange, barely audible but clearly heard by the others. Bletch turns tothe culprit and with just a raised eyebrow chastises one of the extra characters (which one is as irrelevent as their names). The fear of Bletch getting Pap to discipline house guests is enough to shut him up.
Bearsy and Barry look guilty as they surprize the others by exiting the Diary room together. Bearsy usually just likes to watch.
Over the Tannoy we hear BIG BAD BOB again
House mates - this is extremly important, you must now remain where you are. The police will be entering the house in 2 minutes ... please remain seated.
There is an obvious unrest as the hairy arsed scrotes mumble like the cheap extras they are - unable to speak as then they would have to be paid a higher rate.
Fatso is the first to rise (again), he stands up,placing his 'handie' on Paps knee to get some leverage for his huge frame. His weight causes him to loss balance and the handie nudges Little Jeremy. Little Jeremy does not protest, having not seen mych action since '82 at Greenham Common.
SIT DOWN roars Big Bad Bob
Bletch being the self procalimed house 'leader' is next to speak '' Where is Arsehole Grandee''?
The others look agains at each other in their slightly foggy hungover state (post Carol Lion signing party), much shaking of heads.
There is a pause- the Flat screen TV is on showing the Broadcast. They see themselves from one of the autocams, but the scene suddenly changes to the view of the pool area. At first its not quite clear but slowly as the main cam zooms, they see the shocking sight. His head buried in the earth a naked Areola is on his knees, his arse now in close to filling the screen - they recognise the small rose tattoo on his left cheek - the skin is pale with a bluish tinge and its clear he has been planted here for several hours. Areola is dead.
Bearsy is the the first to speak '' did BT need somewhere to park his bike?''
There follows a series of groans, except Barry you had not heard that one before so is laughing... or is he happy to see Areola in this state?
... to be continued....