Travelling through Miami Airport in transit to Pamama before the yanks got transit lounges, If indeed they do have them yet.
You had to go through Immigration to get to the next plane.
Immigration officer " whats your purpose for this trip to the US of A"
Me " I am in transit to go to Panama here is my ticket"
Immigration Officer " you dont want to stay in America?"
Me " NoI want to go to Panama see here is my ticket I have a flight to catch"
Immigration officer " Why don’t you want to stay in America"
Me " Because I want to go to Panama I dont like America" is the wrong answer. The bastard held me there until about 45 minutes before the flight was called just about made it otherwise I would have been staying there.
Oh and why is it we cannot get a flight from Glasgow, Manchester or Newcastle direct to New York? Ok you can pay silly prices, but you can get great deals from Heathrow, or Stansted, but not here.
Crazy that we have to go the other way to the Netherlands first.
Was going across to Dunkirk from Ramsgate on the ferry so had a hire car which I dropped of in Ramsgate port.
Waiting in the terminal with all the other foot passangers as per normal we are then called for the bus to the boat.
Immigration official on showing him my passport " why are you going to Dunkirk"
Me " Non of your business"
Immigration official" Yes it is I am an Immigration official"
Me " Precisely you are an Immigration official and I am emmigrating/leaving the country it’s non of your business"
By this time all the other passengers had got on the bus and gone to the ferry.
Me " are you going to let me leave the country or not"
Immigration Official " Only when you tell me why you are going to France"
Me “OK can I have your name and employee number please so that when my boss asks why you refused to allow me to get the ferry he can contact the correct person”
Immigration official “you can go”
Me " can you now arrange for the bus to take me to the ferry as there are now non left"
Had a really nice Immigration Official at Las Vegas airport last time we went. Smiled chatted…stamped our passports and said…that’s one to show your grandkids…9-11-2011 (9-11 + 10 years) Thank you for your visit sir.
Like most infrastructure projects, not all of the M27 was actually built. While it may have helped in the early days of its life, it’s just enabled a ton of suburban living in the space between Southampton and Pompey. Those people out there rely on it, especially for getting into places like Southampton. The minute it goes, everything backs up as a result.
Just remember to send a letter of complaint to Emirates after you land.
Basically saying how upset you are that Jennifer Aniston did not scrub your back in the shower or sit next to you at the bar.
It really pisses them off.
I’ve not been on here much of late as either I have been zipping around the place or we’ve had family/mates coming down for holidays/egg chasing/golf.
I can safely say that all of my pals have been suffering travel nightmares as a result. Think I may be close to some kind of record, in my last 6 flights I managed 4 free upgrades to Business and one directly from economy to First.
My mates have asked me to start writing about golf rather than travel…
Yemen International Airlines. During Euro '96. Worst ever.
Yemeni’s have a habit of chewing Ghat, a mildly hallucinogenic plant (Betel Leaves). Boarded my 1960 vintage 737 to Saa’na, to find green goo dripping down the walls of the plane and every seat back. It was beyond gross. My Visa had one typo on my hotel name so I was arrested and detained at the airport for 6 hours (luckily missing the Penalty Shootout)
Emirates Karachi to Dubai - the “exploited labour under class” tend to be dragged from Villages without electricity, so the boys have never seen such delights as a travelator etc. Sad but funny.
On the flight - “habla babla blah blah blah” says a distressed gentleman to the Hostie - she points to the back of the plane. Gent runs to the back and looks around and promptly takes a dump on the floor in the middle of the galley. Well, he knew no better obviously.
Scots commuter’s hilarious take on Forth Road Bridge diversions
Simpler than Google Maps. What's not to like? Picture: Allan Miller
BY NOW, most people will be aware of the crack in the Forth Road Bridge, forcing the closure of the crossing and causing a nightmare for commuters and businesses alike.
There have been rumours about Christmas deliveries being hampered (sorry!) by the location of the Amazon warehouse in Dunfermline while crafty travellers have been planning their alternative routes into Edinburgh.
“This diversion for cars and light vehicles travelling between Fife and Edinburgh has been prepared to minimise the disruption to people and businesses across the east of Scotland during the closure of the Forth Road Bridge.
“From the M90 south take the A823 before Rosyth and follow Queensferry Road to Dunfermline town centre. Follow diversion signs to the A907 and take the B913 at Gowkhall to the B914 at Saline and take Bridge Street north.
“Then take the B906 to the B907 to the B654 to B7077, and follow the signs to the C3P0 and on to the R2D2. About 3 miles further on you’ll come to a road block, ignore this and carry on.
“When you reach a white farmhouse on your left you should retrace the road back for 400 yards then take the third road on the left, then the second road on the right, followed by the fourteenth road on the left.
“Carry along the single track road until you reach the A91 and follow this to the Park and Ride scheme at Kinross.
“Buses are running every 3 hours between here and the Park and Ride scheme running between Cupar and Methil from where you should be able to hitch a lift to Anstruther.
“Proceed to the Smugglers Inn and ask for Big Alex. He will give you a letter of introduction to the captain of paddle-steamer the PS Skibladner heading for Trondheim in Norway on the morning tide.
“During the night you must get him inebriated and during a cards game persuade him to drop you off in St Andrews, from where a Park and Pogostick scheme is in operation back to Cupar.
“Make your way to the car park at the back of Argos where you’ll be asked a riddle by a mysterious old crone. Answer correctly and you will be allowed to take the A914 south to Kettlebridge.
“Answer incorrectly and you’ll be banished to the treacherous B940 east to Pitscottie.
“From here you should dismount and take the ancient right-of-way across the Lomond Hills to Ballingry. Take care not to stray from the path for the moors are no place for inexperienced commuters.
“In Ballingry you will need to have your papers forged and convince the border guards that you are but a simple onion seller on your way to market in Comrie.
“Here, a Park and Glider scheme is in operation to take commuters to the Park and Kayak scheme running between Culross and Grangemouth, from where there is a Park and Walk scheme in operation between here and Edinburgh.”
That’s nothing, when I lived in Hamworthy, Poole they once closed the Poole lifting bridge for 4 weeks for maintenance, took me 15 mins extra to get to work as I had to go around Holes Bay, fucking fuckers.
Here is the route I had to take
I’m still fuming about it now and I left Hamworthy 11 years ago…