Miami airport. If there is a more soulless place on earth with more miserable staff and a longer immigration queue, I have yet to find it.
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Car hire firms and why I will not use Hertz.
Was doing a job in Lisbon and whilst wandering the back streets managed to get mugged losing my wallet / company credit cards / driving licence ect. On duly informing the company of the predicament they said no worry’s we will cancel all your cards and heres a new ticket to go to Greece.
No problem travelling around Europe with not so much as a pint of beer in my pocket.
Any way after arriving back in the UK Heathrow airport still with no money or credit cards the normal way to gat back to Southampton was hire a car. Now you have all seen the bank of Hire car reception points as you enter the arrivals halls.
So starting with Hertz who the company had a discount with I explained the predicament and the little girl behind the desk just looked at me and said no licence no car. no creditcard no car. and refused to talk to me after that.
Next in line was Europe car never used them before so missed them out. After that was Budget, so started explaining again and she stopped me I was expecting to be told to bugger off and she said.
“We have heard this before have you hired a car from us before if some approx when”
Gave her this information and she trolled through her computer and found the paperwork for when i last had a car from them.
She then asked for the company’s telephone numer so she could call them and get a credit card number from them over the phone.
Credit card number checked and accepted.
Set of car keys then handed over and have a nice day sir.
Hertz you can fuck off for not even trying.
Train travel gets me. The governement go on about getting cars off the road and using public transport. Last season I looked at getting the train to Manchester so I could have some beers on the way up, rather than my mate coming up from London then driving up to Manchester myself with him. It would have cost us £65 each return. So £130. The petrol cost us £60.
Just yesterday before the floods went nuts, me and Mrs Sfcsim looked at getting the train to Newcastle to see Ash. Again a return of £25 each when it is 50 miles away, but the last train back was 21:15, so that would have been no good!
My season ticket to London from Royston 28 min journey cost me £4,200 about 2 years ago! Crazy money.
It is bullshit and the prices are to go up again 1.15/1.5% in January.
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Travelling through Miami Airport in transit to Pamama before the yanks got transit lounges, If indeed they do have them yet.
You had to go through Immigration to get to the next plane.
Immigration officer " whats your purpose for this trip to the US of A"
Me " I am in transit to go to Panama here is my ticket"
Immigration Officer " you dont want to stay in America?"
Me " NoI want to go to Panama see here is my ticket I have a flight to catch"
Immigration officer " Why don’t you want to stay in America"
Me " Because I want to go to Panama I dont like America" is the wrong answer. The bastard held me there until about 45 minutes before the flight was called just about made it otherwise I would have been staying there.
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Oh and why is it we cannot get a flight from Glasgow, Manchester or Newcastle direct to New York? Ok you can pay silly prices, but you can get great deals from Heathrow, or Stansted, but not here.
Crazy that we have to go the other way to the Netherlands first.
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Was going across to Dunkirk from Ramsgate on the ferry so had a hire car which I dropped of in Ramsgate port.
Waiting in the terminal with all the other foot passangers as per normal we are then called for the bus to the boat.
Immigration official on showing him my passport " why are you going to Dunkirk"
Me " Non of your business"
Immigration official" Yes it is I am an Immigration official"
Me " Precisely you are an Immigration official and I am emmigrating/leaving the country it’s non of your business"
By this time all the other passengers had got on the bus and gone to the ferry.
Me " are you going to let me leave the country or not"
Immigration Official " Only when you tell me why you are going to France"
Me “OK can I have your name and employee number please so that when my boss asks why you refused to allow me to get the ferry he can contact the correct person”
Immigration official “you can go”
Me " can you now arrange for the bus to take me to the ferry as there are now non left"
Which he duly did.
Bloody jobsworths
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The last one regarding Immigration officials I promise you.
Going to Halifax Nova Scotia from Heathrow. to do some work in Halifax dock yard.
Got to Heathrow boarded the plane no problem what so ever.
Arrived in Halifax stoodin line for Immigration.
Immigration official " and why are you coming to Halifax Sir"
I have a job to do in Halifax floating drydock"
Immigration official “Can’t a Canadian do this job”
Me " Would they have flown me from England to here if they could" is again not the right answer.
four hours before the agent’s managed to get me out of immigration to the hotel
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Beginning to wonder if smart alec comments are not the best way forward at immigration.
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Had a really nice Immigration Official at Las Vegas airport last time we went. Smiled chatted…stamped our passports and said…that’s one to show your grandkids…9-11-2011 (9-11 + 10 years) Thank you for your visit sir. 
The M27 is irredeemably broken.
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Originally posted by @ant
The M27 is irredeemably broken.
Small glimmer of good news, it works pretty well from J4 to J1. That is, heading away from the shit end which is broken for sure.
Like most infrastructure projects, not all of the M27 was actually built. While it may have helped in the early days of its life, it’s just enabled a ton of suburban living in the space between Southampton and Pompey. Those people out there rely on it, especially for getting into places like Southampton. The minute it goes, everything backs up as a result.
I started to list every occasion and company but decided to summarise it all by saying most of them are useless cnts.
Wasn’t the M27 meant to go all the way to Bournemouth and Brighton at either end?
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This from the Snooze so don’t know how trustworthy it is
The idea of a south coast motorway was first born in the 1930s.
The original plan was that it should run from Kent to Cornwall, but this was scuppered when the funding ran out.
As a result, the road which we know and use today is much shorter than planned back when the idea was first discussed.
Or this bit on the Pathetic Motorways site
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4 hrs notice of a flight from Manila to Brazil and at least a 2 hour car journey to get to the airport.
It now begins 23 hours flying time with an hour and half stopover in Dubai we will see what state I arrive in Rio 
Luckily business class both legs.
Body in economy?
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Originally posted by @Goatboy
Originally posted by @PhilippineSaint
4 hrs notice of a flight from Manila to Brazil and at least a 2 hour car journey to get to the airport.
It now begins 23 hours flying time with an hour and half stopover in Dubai we will see what state I arrive in Rio
Luckily business class both legs.
Body in economy?
Who knows where the body will be when I arrive probably lifeless and very smelly.
lifeless and smelly sounds like my penis
Managed to arrive in Dubai and havent upset anybody so far on this trip 
What am I doing wrong?
Next a 14 and half hour flight to RIo 
Just remember to send a letter of complaint to Emirates after you land.
Basically saying how upset you are that Jennifer Aniston did not scrub your back in the shower or sit next to you at the bar.
It really pisses them off.
I’ve not been on here much of late as either I have been zipping around the place or we’ve had family/mates coming down for holidays/egg chasing/golf.
I can safely say that all of my pals have been suffering travel nightmares as a result. Think I may be close to some kind of record, in my last 6 flights I managed 4 free upgrades to Business and one directly from economy to First.
My mates have asked me to start writing about golf rather than travel…
Yemen International Airlines. During Euro '96. Worst ever.
Yemeni’s have a habit of chewing Ghat, a mildly hallucinogenic plant (Betel Leaves). Boarded my 1960 vintage 737 to Saa’na, to find green goo dripping down the walls of the plane and every seat back. It was beyond gross. My Visa had one typo on my hotel name so I was arrested and detained at the airport for 6 hours (luckily missing the Penalty Shootout)
Emirates Karachi to Dubai - the “exploited labour under class” tend to be dragged from Villages without electricity, so the boys have never seen such delights as a travelator etc. Sad but funny.
On the flight - “habla babla blah blah blah” says a distressed gentleman to the Hostie - she points to the back of the plane. Gent runs to the back and looks around and promptly takes a dump on the floor in the middle of the galley. Well, he knew no better obviously.
I declined the meal service…
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