Hi, I’m Steve and I look like a donkey…
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anybody got a cock?”
All the men stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?”
All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?”
Half the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?”
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
Oi!
I read that as Oil - I thought you were asking for lube.
Of the bullet ant, Schmidt says: “Pure, intense, brilliant pain … Like walking over flaming charcoal with a three-inch nail embedded in your heel.”
A bloke’s wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there’s a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, ‘Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news’.‘Well,’ says the bloke, ‘I guess I’d better have the bad news first?’
The Sarge says, ‘I’m really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.’
The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, ‘Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we’ve brought you your share.‘He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.’ Geez thanks. They’re bloody beauties. I guess it’s an ill wind and all that…
So what’s the other possible good news?’ Well’, the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o’clock and we’re gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.
I’m going to hell for upvoting that PS but I did find it funny 
And so did I which is why i put it up.
It has done its job
I think the first 4 words were all that were needed…
The bulls goring people afterwards video was amusing too.