05 December 2015
- Last edited 05 December 2015
Please review Microwave for One.
On numerous previous nights when I have been slightly pickled, I have ordered copies of this book on the basis of it being a magnet for humorous Amazon reviews. At this point, barring big distributors with shitloads of old crap books, I believe I am the owner of the largest private collection in the world. I have 11 copies as a result of an attempt to corner the Microwave for One market. We use them to prop up the pasting table when we employ it in a buffet capacity.
Now I'm not forcing you (Microwave for One) or trying to manipulate you (Microwave for One) or trying to put ideas in your head (Microwave for One), but I think you should give that review some consideration.
Some may see this as a cynical attempt to divert vital labour forces from the cheesecake industry into a modern-day Amazon reviewin' serf. And they would be correct. Plan A? We turn Microwave for One into a highly prized oddity, valued for its sad ironic charm (and hilarious Amazon reviews). Drive the price up, sell high and become Internet millonaires, for frankly the stupidest of reasons. That is surely the Sotonians way!
Worst case scenarios?
1) Everyone gets a free copy of Microwave for One when their significant others inevitably fuck them off for (as stated by divorce brief) "an inexplicable obsession with an obscure and defunct tome, Microwave for One".
2) I am crushed by teetering tower of Microwave for One books. Dynastic struggle for Sotonians supremacy ensues. Everyone still gets free copy of Microwave for One.
Microwave for One.