Who's line is it anyway sexy edition-setting the stage and discussion

@btripz & @chertsey-saint BWAAAAAAARK!!!

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Narwhal sniffs the Surrey air.

“I can smell her. I can smell the desparation. The wanton longing. I know she’s nearby. If only my arse would stop leaking and I could shake these sweats. I have to get a grip. Fucking birds will be the death of me.”

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@saintbletch found himself at a loose end. He’d run out of urine-scented beer (his very favourite tipple) and couldn’t be arsed to summon his under-sub-under-footman (an indolent, stuttering halfwit) to fetch some more. Perhaps he should head down to the Lodge tonight - no shortage of opportunities for drinking piss there. He preferred that of the goat to that of the horse, but he wasn’t choosy, as his choice of shirts and catamites showed.

If he were to go to the Lodge he’d need to adjust his dress, or maybe change out of it and put on gentleman’s attire. He summoned his under-sub-footman to lay out his finest floral shirt, lightly flared trousers and navy blazer. Once attired, he felt fully prepared to meet his fellow devotees. Thank god he could walk, as the parking there was shocking, and one particular neighbour had already threatened to “sort some of you apron-wearing cunts out good and proper” when their cars impeded his driveway.

Vulgaris checked his shirt cuffs, as he always did before venturing out. One of them, he saw, was less than straight. Ignoring the obvious metaphor, he sought to straighten it with a vigorous twist. A sharp jolt of pain shot down from his wrist to his shoulder, leaving his arm hanging limp at his side.

“Christ on a fucking bike!” he wailed. “I was only trying to rotate a cuff!”

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Nice one @fowllyd

Strange how fiction so often mirrors reality…

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This is more

Give us a clue

Than

Who’s line is it anyway

as most of us have know idea what is going on

But that applies to life in general and not just this thread.

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With no response from @coxford_lou it looks as though the reluctant understudy @chertsey-saint will need to step in, even though the part was originally written for a more masculine personality. The confirmed characters and actors then are as follows.

@dubai_phil . Lead

@chertsey-saint .

@btripz .

@saintbletch .

@goatboy .

The setting shall be the Runnymede Masonic Lodge.

WE need a sexy quest as the final piece of the puzzle.

The quest shall be: to locate and dig up the remains of @jack-schitt , to reanimate his corpse and to extract the tarantula plug from his body. Only @dubai_phil knows the true purpose and power of the plug, but she will not be able to reveal this until it is obtained.

Multiple References must be made to the watch buying thread on SWF.

Each character must also work a description of a fantasy that they have involving @furball 's wife into the story.

You may have the rest of the day to further develop your characters and the quest here and we will aim to start the performance in a new thread at a convenient time perhaps tomorrow.

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Non the wiser

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I have decided to cast @philippinesaint as @philippinesaint .

Did furball’s wife not know when she was getting fingered then?

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It shocks me how many people don’t know what Who’s Line is it Anyway? is. Broken Britain.

@stickywhitedovepiss can you play a part or do you have to remain outside it? If you can, I nominate you for @stickywhitedovepiss , a timid, meak Librarian-type on the outside, but whenever anyone mentions Shakin Stevens she becomes extremely sexually aroused. She spends her free time in front of the gramaphone with a glass of Campari and soda, listening to the great man until she gets so worked up that she visits local dogging spots in fishnets and a Mexican wrestler mask. One of these dogging spots is the car park of Runymede Lodge, which is where she gets tangled up in this unusual quest.

I should mention that she also has a tattoo on her left thigh, which she woke up with following a misadventure in Thailand in her youth. The tattoo is of a washing machine (Indesit 500), with some unusual Thai script underneath - could this script be the key to the puzzle? Probably not, more likely it says “I love fisting” in Thai, but we can’t be sure at this early stage…

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@themightyostrich We know what it is we just don’t understand how you are attempting to play it over the internet with a time delay of some days?

Narwhal could just make out the side entrance to the lodge. A green door half hidden by wisteria.

He glanced at the oversized Navitimer (a gift from @philippinesaint , the wife of some weird internet bullshitter he had been tupping the previous summer) and decided to wait for darkness to fall.

“I’ll hide here and watch that fat lass getting boned in that fiesta while I’m waiting” he giggled to himself maniacally.

“Then I’ll have a good look round this ole house and find out what’s got my loins so tingly.”

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Splendid work, gentlemen - I particularly like the way that Caractacus Narwhal has incorporated Shakin’ Stevens into his persona. Just one small request though:

It’s " Whose line is it anyway?" FFS

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@undefined was confused. What had started out as a simple quest to discover the last resting place of the mystical Unicorns of SWF had taken an unusual turn.

The sudden appearance of a @undefined off the port bow of The Enterpise had turned to terror as a @undefined boarding party materialised out of a bowl of Petunias on the Starboard Bow.

As @undefined battled to save the saucer section @undefined had hit the emergency teleport over ride switch.

And materialised in the velvet he’ll of a Bordello on old Portabello Road covered in @undefined .

Crushed beneath his ample buttocks appeared to be a @undefined with an empty jar of pickle still intactly jutting from his anus.

Just then a mobile communicating device started to vibrate in the crotch if a supine @undefined

Is it safe? Asked a voice?

Of course it is, how disappointing. I blame the uncontrollable rage I was experiencing at the time.

Dude, we have enough problems with spanner spammers.

I am deleting your alts.

I can’t work under these conditions, my crew can’t work under these conditions. Where are our aliases, where are our sandwiches. WTF IS THIS. Where is the positivity? Where does planning get you on an oil platform? What do I tell my heroic guys. FFS. We will manage, in spite of this.

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Look, I had to tell @saintbletch the same when he tried creating alts to lobby for Brewdog and really shit shirts.

Another thread dies thanks to The Man’s censorship :lou_wink_2: