You spend all night schmoozing the Maitre Dâ you tell your other half NOT to rush away to smoke.
Dinner ends she grabs my mate (who is supposed to share the bill) and vanish.
So I get the full bill Chef is ready to see her and sheâ ducked off to get some smokes
And is furious at ME because she wasnâ around after telling her a dozen times NOT to disappearâŚ
Arrrgh.
So Iâm in the pub fuck it
Spurs have had 71% possession and 23 efforts on goal against West Hamâs 1, and West Ham are 1-0 up.
About fucking time.
When your connecting flight delay is 10 minutes less than the time needed for travel insurance to kick inâŚ
When you finally weigh yourself after Xmas and NYE to discover you put on 100 grammes.
FFS!
I could have eaten and drunk so much moreâŚ
Thatâs hardly a pickled onionâŚlightweight. 
Precisely
I could have downed way more Pins Cicadas, could have had another Happy Pizza
Could have had fries with my Samurai burger.
Iâ
I am gutted!
I am sure I read earlier that Klopp said there was no rush to get Van Dijk into the team. Guess who lines up at CH for Liverpool tonight?
The football chanting I can hear from somewhere ouside of the flat. Our double glazing is usually pretty good but not today. I am now forever going to hear it whenever there is a match. My partner thinks my intolerance of this noise may have come from when I moved to Southampton as a small child and lived opposite the Dell. He may have a point.
peopleâs what uses bad grammar and shit. I scored 3 out ofâs 12 so im not to bad.
Your Result
9/12
Fantastic! You are a complete festive grammar ninja
after analising my results I realised that I got 6 wrong because I didnât read the question properly. To be honest I think itâs the way the questions were worded, what with it being biased towards them with good grammar skillz 
9/12⌠whom wood have thunk
Cunt
No one likes a smart-arse âŚteachers pet
Bet you were te one that brought miss an apple every day and did your homework on time
12/12. However, few if any of those questions are actually about grammar. Some are about punctuation, some are about semantics, others are about style and ambiguity (or lack thereeof). Among other things, the idea that using âwhoâ and not âwhomâ as the object of a verb is incorrect is, well, incorrect.
As is so often the case, whoever set this âgrammarâ test has little or no clue about what grammar actually is.
I studied a few languages and I also completed an English language A Level back in the day. I got 7/12 on the one and only attempt. I found grammar rules hard to follow in any language. Pluperfect what? I think I just about got the subjunctive. Somehow I am able to get by in most of South America, Spain and Italy. So probably wonât worry too much about my lack of grammar understanding.
Have I mentioned my pet hate is application forms? Doing another one. This is the first one I can face after the last one about 7 months ago.
Anyone got any ideas what they want from âEvidence of political awarenessâ.
How about something along the lines of âI know lots of snowflakes and I fight a constant reargard action to counter political incorrectness on on Sotonians.com - references available on requestâ