People that have the same name as you.
Got warned by my boss that I would be banned from the car park if I committed any more parking sins, which was confusing as I normally park off site and do not drive a '16 plate.
Another fucking Paul Taylor, init. Too many of them about. Some would say one is one too many 
I was staying in the Ramada hotel in Dubai,
When I started to get strange messages and phone calls. Due to the fact that I had been staying there for ages and had been âknown to the hotel staffâ 
The calls were always put through to my room.
Eventually found out that my double name was a banker from Brighton who was slightly miffed that he was getting no contact from the outside world or letters which had all been put into my pigeon hole
How the fuck can the channel tunnel be 30 mins behind 30mins after opening
are they ever on time
Is the change tunnel where you go for gender re-allignment?
My phoneâs ability to spell is deteriorating
You wake up and hear Trump addressing a NRA meeting calling for tighter knife controls in the UKâŚyou couldnât make it up. Meanwhile in the USâŚ2018: 4,685 gun deaths -8,301 gun injuries -196 children shot/killed -819 teenagers shot/killed 
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I feel abused.
Dirty.
FFS.
Last home game - we are playing Citeh and they do THIS to us at Barasti?
https://www.visitdubai.com/en/events/liverpool-fc-world-at-barasti
UK Premier League followers will flock to popular beachside venue Barasti on 13 May as Liverpool FC World brings an immersive fan experience to Dubai.
Join in all the fun of this supersized beachside viewing party with a live screening of the Redsâ last game of the season against Brighton and Hove Albion and your chance to have your photo taken with the UEFA Champions League Trophy. Thereâs even a faithful recreation of the Anfield ground dressing room, complete with playersâ shirts and a live Q&A with Liverpool FC legends Steven Gerrard, Gary McAllister and Steve McManaman.
Another flight delay. Ffs. They tell us once in the departure lounge and stuck. Just give whatever the French air traffic control want.
Wife asks to borrow the car (itâs a 12 year old 4x4 with 7 seats) she is picking up clients.
She gets 100 yards up the road, stops at traffic lights.
Some dumb (insert politically correct expletive) was doing their make up - drove straight into the back of her.
Luckily the 4x4 simply had a bit of dust shaken loose. The dumb xxxxx little zippy look at me brand of motor (beginning with Au and finishing with di) is trashed.
Why?
Honestly WTF is SO immportant that you have to brush your hair OR put make up on while driving?
A visit to the Cop Shop to report it all, dumb xxx has been fined and blame attached to her insurance so her no claims is walloped. Mrs D_P continues to trundle the business tourists around town as if nothing happened.
God bless Mitusbishi Pajeroâs.
Bosses who dont have all the facts or brains and ask you to carry out tasks.
When you ask why do you have to do what ever it is they say
âBecause I told you tooâ
âEven though these figures mean there is nothing Wrong?â
" I told you to do it"
Ok carry out the task and give the results to the boss.
âOh that doesnt have to be done now we got further information.â
âYou mean those figures I gave you before I started this?â
âYesâ
âYou Cuntâ
When you wake up, canât find your car keys, and canât find your car either, and the realisation dawns that youâve been burgled and cunts have been in your house.
Spent all of this morning so far busy with police and insurance companies. Oh, and Iâve lost a dayâs money. At least.
Shit sorry to hear that - Hope the missus and kids are coping. Its the Ayatollahâs worst nightmare.
To be honest, weâve all been that caught up in the procedure that I donât think any of us have had time to process whatâs happened. Itâs shite. Weâve been lucky not to have had it happen before. We were lucky that it was just stuff that was stolen. Unfortunately, I now have to do my commute either with the missusâ car, or without a car.
Cunts!
Shoulda got a bigger dog.
And your starter for 10.
Where does Pap live???
But seriously, commiserations mate. Not good. I assume they took the Omega Atlantic Antique Watch, the 65 inch telly, the priceless antique Iranian Rug and your signed Corbyn Memorabilia collection as well?
They took almost nowt. Car keys. Missusâ purse. Car. There was loads more they could have got.
After tonights game, you might be wishing they nicked your telly.
Thatâs shite, unlucky Pap.
Someone mentioned a private police force that can help for a fee⌠
Well, some brighter news. The people from the pub have been over. The missusâ purse, sans cash but seemingly full of everything else, was recovered from their car park. Just lobbed there. Theyâve also got CCTV recording of last night, pointed at our house. Never thought Iâd be so pleased to hear that.
I hope they catch the fuckers, pap⌠⌠not that that really makes up for the intrusion. Off with their hands, I say!