Yeah but I got in first 
Times like the next few months Iām so farking glad I only have Netflix & no news channels.
Youāl be getting sighting alerts, bookies odds alerts etc on all your feeds
Hahaha
Oh shit I have BBC news alerts
Fuck how do you turn them off
Bollocks
Iām not a big fan of The Markle. Sheās a terrible actress, for one thing. Not my type either. Small chested. Also, my bird made me watch an ITV documentary about the Harry and Markle fkn āRomanceā, and it made me want everyone involved fkn DEAD.
I have to admit though when you study her closely she has got a certain quality about her that makes you think sheād be a really good fuck. More so than Kate even, although I would let her Watch.
Hahaha. Off to the Tower with you Bearsy, and wash your mouth out with soap and water.
Funnily enough whenever i hear the words Meghan Markle i immediately think of Fred West. Am i the only one?
I think of a race horse.
I think I may have problems.
Prince Andrew wanted to marry soft porn starlett Koo Stark. Harry get himself another sulty American actress. Charles ends up with someone who looks like his mother. Being next in line to the throne isnt all it is cracked up to be!
I thought it was all about the bass then realised it was the wrong Meghan.
Then I thought he was marrying the German chancellorā¦I was geting my Merkelās in a muddle
Does anyone know if theyāll be honeymooning at Broadlandsā¦it seems to be something of a tradition for the āHouse of Hanoverā.
If so I shall be there with my good lady and our little Union Jacks.
Canāt waitā¦isnāt it exciting. 
He seems alright for a Royal, to be honest. Not a massive twat like Andrew or a weed gobbler like his stepdad. She seems to be a half tidy bag of carrots too. It will be amusing to see if some stuffy old bastards get upset with him marrying an āoutsiderā.
Apparently the Daily Heil website has gone into meltdown. Their readership is less than impressed with a common American divorcee becoming a āRoyalā. And not a pure aryan to boot. Oh dear!
As soon as she is married she will be known as HRH The Duchess of Sussex. Not in this fucking household she wonāt.
As a consequence of staying at me maās for the last few months, Iāve watched the news with my granddad almost every night. I was initially quite shocked when at 84, and with a distinctive but softened Karachi accent, he says āsheās got small titsā with reference to the weather presenter.
I have since come to know my granddadās view on the rack of every female weather presenter since. I try to weigh in with my own contributions, such as my theory that all male weather presenters are short arses that took the job to make them look like giants (āIām bigger than the UK you tall fucks!ā), but heās not long diverted.
Moaning Merkleā¦ was she not in Harry Potter or is this a reference to her joyous vocal exclamations during the fine and noble sculpture of the two backed beast?
I think she is a pleasant looking young lady mind 
Are they married yet? Itās been hours!
What bad news is Mayhem trying to slip under the radar while a thankful nation rejoices about two massively privileged people getting engaged to be married?
Wonder if his dad will attend the wedding?.
I expect Charles will be there.
Can they have an offshore wedding?
Cunts.
Iāve come to this a little late, but am I right in thinking heās marrying this lass?
Donāt get me wrong, sheās a fine-looking filly. Just seems a little lacking in patriotism on his part, thatās all.
And the moaning starts.
Are they paying for it themselves etc.
FFS, every hotel in London will be booked up, flights into the Uk will be rammed, Tourists will be buying up all your left over Black Cyber Friday Tuesday left overs because Brexit will have continued to make the pound such good value.
Overseas TV companies will be charged for taking t he āofficialā feed and will pay extortionate rents for āstudio spotsā overlooking the procession.
All of which will be retained as profits to benefit the shareholders of British Companies.
Who are, of course, all foreigners who avoid taxes
The Mail readership are probably furious about all her humanitarian work in places like Rwanda.