No, i take three, so that i have a spare to give to a poor unfortunate with only the one.
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When you get the shits, how highly to you prioritise the wellbeing of your friends and colleagues?
Against the published advice, I usually do not take any time off for a bout of the shits as long as I can get away from the bog long enough to get to work.
I will then often spend the day squirting my guts out filling the air with toxic and possibly virulent fumes.
I do sometimes wonder if colleagues can smell it on me.
Am I alone In this selfish behaviour?
Occasionally I will pebbledash parts of the bowl that are not swept by the water jets. Usually in those instances I will clean up, but occasionally I doubt the source and leave them there for the next lucky visitor.
Having, in my youth turned down the inviting allure of the open cesspit that was laughingly labelled “Gents” at the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival, I find your lack of concern for other’s health, neither here nor there.
As long as there is an alternative “trap” it should be of little consequence. In 1970 it involved a 3 mile trek to the Public Convenience at the ironically named village of “Freshwater”
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SWDP, do you have the shits so often that it’s interfering with your work? If so, I’d recommend you get your bits and bobs checked out, you seem very susceptible to a bout of the old gravy-squirting.
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I avoid using the work thrones like the plague
I am shitbreak
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What do you mean @TheMightyOstrich. I think that this is the only time I have made reference to the conditions within my own bowels. However, in order to fuel your misguided suspicions further let me throw an additional topic into this exhilarating debate. Namely blood on the sheets.
If I were to take notice of the medical literature regarding blood from my anus I should think that I might have a serious medical condition but IMHO this is not the case. Instead the culprit can on nearly every occasion be attributed to poor nail care.
Chappel End Charlie
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More likely a few burst capilaries as a result of the ‘strain’… especially if you have hypertension…
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My dear @stickywhitedovepiss , I was referring to your comment “I usually do not take any time off for a bout of the shits as long as I can get away from the bog long enough to get to work” - ‘usually’ suggests that you often have poopy problems, so I was just concerned for your well-being 
Glad to hear that all’s well in that department.
You are talking shit @themightyostrich . I am down voting you for libel and threatening you with my lawyers who may or not be www. ey. com.
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We are all literally talking shit on this thread, SWDP.
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Not me, any discussion I have contributed to this thread has been in the form of a complex metaphor. Even so, it dawned on me yesterday night as I slumbered that this isn’t art. It is imitation at best and I Must now do some soul searching.
Why do some airports only use those small tissue toilet paper dispensers and not proper industrial size bog rolls ?
The small tissues all come adrift and you end up spiking your arse with a digit or they slip and you smear shit up your back (if you wipe the right way)
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Tis true.
I was at Waterloo Station having a dump after a day spent being refreshed at The Green Man in Soho. I vaguely remember getting a wad of at least four of these serviette type arse wipes only to delve in and completely miss my starfish with all four, resulting in a very dirty middle finger. I was briefly tempted to write my name on the cubicle wall, but chose not too as I’m not a teenager anymore, alas.
When i was at college we used to bring in an empty bag and fill it with these bog roll imposters to use at the shared house, saving us the 20p a pack of 10 shiny white bog rolls would have cost at Kwik Save.
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After seeing the picture of the model wearing the camel toe pants in the latest news thread I am absolutely busting. But nowadays between being at home with the wife and being at work, I find it a real struggle to find any me time.
What do the rest of you do? Do you take advantage of the facilities at work, do you pull up in motorway laybys. What are your top tips for desperate people?
Your desperate to wipe your bum?
Good to have you back SWDP.
If you’d held out another couple of days you would have got your own ‘Where’s…’ thread which would hopefully have degenerated into a guesting-a-thon.
What’s a ‘desperate to wipe your bum’ and where can I get one? is it mentioned on the Goaty gadgets thread?
TMO, TBH I was put off from posting for quite some time after seeing a group photo on the cup final match thread. Plus I’ve been nursing a prolapsed anus and waiting to make sure @coxford_lou had properly fucked off again.
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Sounds more like SWDP wants a wank more than a shit?
Offshore we have Liars and Wankers including the females that occaisionaly arrive.
the correct answer is anytime anywhere.
Up yours knobber!
Due to my decadent lifestyle (yeah right) I’m suffering from gout like symptoms, if not actual gout, in my wanking wrist. (no smart comments @saintbletch )
This has also had the side effect that I now cannot use this hand to wipe and is fucking hurts to try and reach back there.
Consequently I am using the “wrong” hand to wipe after solids. It’s very difficult, you should try it, ambidexterous wiping should be taught at school!!
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