Stubbed toe or the Pompey score?
Histrionics at work
I appreciate that the IT being out is somewhat of a frustration but asking me for updates every two minutes wonât make it better any quicker.
Also words such as ânightmareâ, âdisasterâ and âcalamityâ are best left to events such as earthquakes or floods, not to the fact you canât log into your emails for an hour you massive fannies
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Ironically, I reserve words like calamity, disaster and nightmare for when I come across massive fannies.
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Corrected for you Beltch 
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Driving home.
Entering our development (of which about 50% is still under construction)
A Gentleman (who for @saintbletch sake was below medium height and with fine mop of hair that was failing dismally in an attempt at a comb-over) wearing a work shirt, walked straight into the road where he stopped half way across and decided that moment was an excellent point in time and space in which to start to read the clipboard he was holding.
So there he suddenly stopped, in the middle of a main road, to read. I swerved to avoid him, narrowly missing his parked car. The two cars behind me werenât so lucky, they collided.
And he carried on reading the clipbord.
How do these people even manage to get onto the airplanes to fly here.
He then continued to walk while reading causing a 3rd car to swerve and hit the two stopped crashed cars.
On reaching his car he finger combed his hair before driving off. Straight past me.
Me? Iâd watched all this in my mirror as I was stopped at traffic lights. The moron drove stright through and almost took out a school bus.
No doubt he has an MBA in something
Exercise. Did a Pilates class yesterday. Really feeling it today. It bloody hurts if I cough/sneeze.
Exercise is something best left to the experts Intiniki.
I think you realise that nowâŚ
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Iâve started doing Pilates too.
Bloody hard work doing some of the exercises.
Still, itâs just me and a mate and a room full of lovely ladies*.
*In their 70s**
**No offence @lifeintheslowlane .
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None taken oh follicly challenged one. 
I ainât in my 70sâŚjust yet.
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Youâre driving to the Test Centre for annual MOT.
There is a traffic jam.
You press the hazard warning button
The button disappears into the dashboard
FFS
1 hour, some Aussie cricket tape & superglue later.
Fingers crossed
When your alarm goes off on a bank holiday. Having deleted all alarms from the new phone last night and cannot work out why it went off.
At least I can have a nap later.
Some more road annoyances.
Temporary traffic signage on the motorways which says â40â, even though youâre gridlocked and will have trouble exceeding 4mph.
âQueues likelyâ. Thatâs just an admission of fucking failure, isnât it? They may as well keep the queue iconography and simply state âwe spunked it on blowing up the Middle Eastâ, although that is quite a lot of letters. They may not have the budget.
Knowing you are going to miss the semi as you are coming back in June and canât afford to come back twice.
Then, having your last remaining grandparent pass away and needing to find the money for a flight anyway.
Then needing to get back to work asap as you donât have enough leave to stay long enough for the semi.
Assuming I can get an affordable flight at short notice anyway. I canât even book it yet, as I havenât got a date for the funeral 
The ex pat nightmare.
Sorry for your loss Smiler. Been sitting with my go bag for a week now. Not easy times
When the first ever Sotonians International Golf Tournament (well me & a tourist from on here) has to be cancelled due to some legend wanting to watch Saints down the pub with your krewâŚ
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I was lucky enough to sit next to Le Tiss at a dinner / event at Pompey Guildhall last year. Heâs a lovely bloke and a true gent. Unfortunately iâd been in the pub for 3 hours before the event so by the time the food came out i was absolutely wankered and have vague recollections of making a bit of a twat of myself in front of the great man. I couldnât even mumble goodbye as i was so bollocksed. Bloody booze and my inability to regulate it. 
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He did a gig here some years ago for ENGVBRA in Doha.
He was well impressed we kept feeding him Malibu & Coke all night
Donât think he knew it was a ÂŁ40 all you can eat & drink do so wee werenât actually paying for them!
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Windows Defender pops up. No threats detected updates required.
Laptop starts reboot sequence on its own
Reboots
With a complete factory reset.
Nothing.
No apps no programmes no data no passwords
Everything
Gone
On a weekend
FFS
You plan a beach day.
Wake up to a sandstorm and strong winds
Ho hum
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Go to Brunch